Answer
In this counseling answer:
She might be insecure, and her way to cope with it is having others validate her online. But as you are a non-maham for her, I strongly advise you to keep the distance with her. She needs to take actions to avoid temptations by unplugging from social media. You should not have contact with her.
As-Salamu ’Alaikum brother,
I assume your cousin has been talking to other males secretly online. I also understood that you don’t share the same house with her. I see that you have good intentions and probably fear for your cousin’s marriage. However, before going through her behaviors, I wanted to talk about your involvement in this situation.
Islam has set out guidelines for interactions between a man and a woman who is not mahram. It concerns me how close you and her are. It does not seem right that she was depressed due to the interruption of your visits to her. You are a grown man and despite her sins, you also committed haram if you had been alone with her, which according to your email, I believe you did. This may be culturally acceptable, but technically you two should also observe the same manners that one would have with a non-mahram as much as possible.
Another advice I would like to give you is not to make assumptions, especially based on what your eyes have not seen. You don’t really know how her marriage really looks like from inside. Most of the time, a person looking for online validation and attention is doing this because s/he doesn’t have these needs being met from their significant ones. It does not justify her behavior but explains why she is “weak”.
She might be insecure, and her way to cope with it is having others validate her online. She also might feel alone. Again, these people online give her the time and validation that she might not have from her husband. Allah knows best. Let’s focus on your involvement with her and her family.
First of all, you really have to stop meeting her. You are a non-mahram and simply can’t be alone with her, even if it is just to talk to her about her sins. Secondly, her decisions aren’t in your hands. On the Day of Judgment, everyone will be responsible for their own sins, and there is nothing you can do to stop her to sin besides praying for her, brother. Allah is the Most Merciful, and He is the only one who can guide her and forgive her sins.
I understand how uncomfortable you feel having your cousin exposing herself this way, especially when she has a family. However, I strongly advise you to keep the distance for the above points as you may be one of her outlets for getting the attention and validation she seeks from her husband. This all goes back to her relationship with her husband.
Regarding her behavior, she should first recognize the sin and honestly repent. She then needs to take actions to avoid temptations by unplugging from social media and deleting all the profiles and accounts she has that fuel her inappropriate activities online. This will not be easy. She must be sincere and aware of her true reasons for doing all this. Hence, you should consider advising her to see a counselor or therapist for this self-discovery process. She should also consider professional marital support as well with her husband before this gets truly out of hand.
Might Allah guide you and her to the right path.
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