In this counseling answer:
• It is time to sit down with him and talk seriously about this matter. You both have to make some ground rules for what you can and cannot do.
• Now that he has started going to the mosque and praying 5 times, I think you should give him a chance. You do not have to trust him blindly as trust takes time to earn. But you can tell him that you believe in him and that he can be a better Muslim.
• Pray with him and surround yourself with righteous people.
As Salaam Alaikum Sister,
I am glad you wrote to us about your concern. I will try to assist you the best I can, inshAllah.
First of all, your husband has had a brought up and family background that is not very Islamically influenced, and this is making him confused sometimes when he meets his family members. I am sure that he is a good person and that he loves you and his child, but sometimes it can be hard to live with a person who is not on the right path and not on the same wavelength as yourself when it comes to faith (religion). It is really good that you are practicing Islam, and that you have tried to make your husband a better Muslim, you will get a reward for that, inshAllah.
Alcohol, drugs & girls
If you are saying that he is kind and gentle but has been out of control and been angry on some occasions after coming home late. This is a big indication that he has been involved in some drug or alcohol or both. You know your husband and can easily sense when something is unusual, trust your institution, it is usually correct.
Alcohol and drugs can act on brain mechanisms that cause a high-risk individual to engage in the aggressive and violent behavior. You do not deserve to live with a person who is not reliable. His bad behavior and habits are not only affecting you but will also affect your child and your child to be. You are still very young and should talk to your family about it, your mother or father about the issues. Do not feel alone about it.
He should not drink in the first place and if his friends are bad then he should stay away from them. This girl in his car was completely out of line, and whatever excuses he is making are just lies. It takes two people to engage in a haram act, even if he did not have intercourse with her, he has still done something very wrong.
Allah has said in the Qur’an that using intoxicants, amongst other things are hateful acts of Satan, and has commanded us to keep away from it. He said:
‘’Satan only wants to cause between you animosity and hatred through intoxicants and gambling and to avert you from the remembrance of Allah and from prayer. So will you not desist? (5:91)
The reason it is commanded to stay away from it is that it results in loss of self-control. Like you said, your husband is normally never aggressive and mean, but when he has used drugs or alcohol he really acts differently. It is a loss of self-control; he is not himself.
Intoxicants make you do things you would normally not want to do. Allah has given you the willpower to choose what is right and wrong for yourself, but when you are drugged down, you lose that ability to do so. Your husband is damaging himself and his family by indulging in alcohol and drugs.
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Communicate openly and firmly
You have already helped him a lot through his rough time. I think it is time to sit down with him and talk seriously about this matter. You both have to make some ground rules for what you can and cannot do.
This also means what people you can meet and not meet, even if it means that he has to stop seeing his brothers for some time. Bad company does influence you, no matter how good you are. You both have a child and are going to have another baby in 3 months, inshAllah.
It is important that you tell him that he needs to change himself or you will have to come with a serious conclusion. Now that he has started going to the mosque and praying 5 times, I think you should give him a chance. You do not have to trust him blindly as trust takes time to earn. But you can tell him that you believe in him and that he can be a better Muslim.
Pray with him and keep him away from bad company.
Remind him that he has a son who will look up to his father and will follow his footprints. No father wants his son to go in the bad direction no matter how he is himself.
Meet new people who practice Islam, and engaged him with good activities that will keep him busy, so he will not have time to meet his bad friends and brothers. You should help him because he is the head of your house and whatever he does will affect you and your family. If he does good then it will be good for you as well, and his bad habits can ruin whatever you have built with him.
I am sure he will change and become a better Muslim if he stays away from bad company.
May Allah guide him to show him the right path,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.