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I Feel Guilty for Having a Relationship with a Married Man

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 11, 2017

Question

Assalamu Alaikum. I suffer in fear. Please guide me. I had a relationship with a guy. He told me lies about himself. After that I cut him off, but he was trying to connect with me and said sorry. I came to know he was married. He said, give me a chance. I am afraid that at the time his family knew about me including his wife. He also met my family. We engaged in haram relationship. The problem is that he has no good moral. He keeps saying lies about everything. So, I cut him off again 6 months ago. He continuously tries to talk to me, but I do not want to. When I talked with him I realized he is afraid of my male family members. What should I do now? I have repented to Allah, but I am scared. i do not want to fall into sinning again.

Counselor

Answer



In this counseling answer:

“Try to feel reassured that Allah (swt) knows what is in your heart. He knows that you are truly sorry for your deeds. Sometimes the best way to deal with such situations is to be completely transparent and honest about it. In sha’ Allah, if they accept what you are saying, they will support you in trying to push this man out of your life.”


As-Salamu ’Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh sister,

Unfortunately, it seems you have been suffering from the consequences of having engaged in a haram relationship. It might have seemed innocent, to begin with, but as you have since found there have been serious repercussions for having engaged in such relations. You have seen first hand why Allah (swt) forbids such relations.

What is done is done now. There is nothing you can do to go back and change it. However, you are doing the right thing by asking for Allah’s forgiveness. This is the best thing you can do right now. Be confident that He is listening and will forgive you, in sha’ Allah if you sincerely repent to Him.

Part of the process of repentance is to make sure that you don’t fall into the same situation again. This can be done by cutting ties with this man as you have. Make sure to stick to this.

Likewise, do not talk to other men in this way in the future. If you desire marriage then make sure to go about it in the correct and halal way that will be pleasing to Allah (swt). This forms the basis of a strong and steady marriage.

Unfortunately, even though you have done all you can to put an end to this and have faced the consequences of your actions, you continue to be haunted by the fact that it could get further out of hand if this man contacts your family further.

Try to feel reassured that Allah (swt) knows what is in your heart. He knows that you are truly sorry for your deeds. Find comfort in the fact that Allah (swt) who is the best judge knows you have repented and in sha’ Allah will forgive you. This is more important than the opinions of others who may judge you for what you have done potentially in a negative way.

To ease your concern, obviously, you can pray that Allah (swt) will continue to conceal your sin. At the same time, you can prepare yourself for the worst case scenario that they find out.

Sometimes the best way to deal with such situations is to be completely transparent and honest about it. This can often be the thing that will gain the respect of others during such times. Be prepared to let them know that you made a big mistake, but that you have sincerely begged Allah (swt) for forgiveness. Tell them you have learned from your mistake.

Let them know that you didn’t know he was married. You have done all you can to cut ties with him when you realized that what you were doing was not ok. Tell them he is the one continuing to bother you to this point despite your attempts to cut him out. In sha’ Allah, if they accept what you are saying, they will support you in trying to push this man out of your life. Hopefully, with their support, this will work.

However, if they choose not to support you, then continue to find solace with Allah (swt) that for His sake you have done your best to fix a bad situation. You are doing all you can to ensure the same will never happen again. Find comfort in this conversation with Allah (swt) regardless of the outcome.

May Allah (swt) forgive you and guide you out of these difficult times. May He (swt) accept your repentance and guide you to make decisions in the future that will be most pleasing to Him.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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