In this counseling answer:
“I encourage you to wake up, sister! If what you say is true, your husband is a man of diseased heart who is rationalizing his sins, using religion for his own self-aggrandizement and agendas and still finds ways to blame you for it when he says things like you made him go to his mistress. Start making choices and stop making excuses. You are enabling him as long as you do not offer him an ultimatum to get right or get going.”
As-Salaam ’Alaikum sister,
It sad to hear your story and the difficult time you are going through. I would like to offer you some feedback to evoke greater self-awareness and, in sha’A llah, clarity on how to move forward.
It is irrelevant whether or not your husband’s prayer or fast counts. What matters is his humanity and honesty with himself and you. It is quite concerning that you start off your sharing by listing all your husband’s religious acts then say the only problem is that he lives with his mistress and prefers good treatment to them over you (his wife) and daughter. Do you see the disconnect here in your own psychology between religion and spirituality?
If one’s Islam does not make them a better human being (humanistic-spiritualty), then the external religious acts should not be a standard of valuing a person. While I understand that all people have tests and mistakes in life when our choices persist and personalities are blatantly contradicting, this should be an alarm that the mental health of this individual comes to question.
Let’s say your husband has cheated on you and from time to time he is going back to that sin, yet keeps trying to return to rightful ways and being with his family. In this case, we could understand the man is struggling with temptation. Yet, in your circumstance, he is outright neglecting his duties towards you and your daughter and gives his mistress’ family more rights and better treatment. This is an alarming reality and you should question the nature of your husband and not be fooled by religious external acts. Many people use external religion to rationalize or justify their „goodness” in face of their inner disease and lack of self-authenticity.
Have you considered that your husband is actually married to this other woman and has not been honest with you about that? This is a possibility as some women prefer their husband to have a mistress over having another wife and this is why some men don’t tell them. In any case, this may be the truth of your situation and you may be the one in denial of this as his mistress has been in his life longer than you.
Check out this counseling video:
Since he spends more time with her over you, it doesn’t follow that he is doing all of this merely out of guilt and responsibility. Regardless, your rights of marriage and, more importantly, your rights to be treated like a human being fall majorly short and this can not go unaddressed for long.
Quoting hadiths and Quran can be helpful, but at the end, its success depends on the individual’s psychology and sincerity before God.
Your case needs serious marriage counseling/therapy if you truly want to salvage what is left of this toxic set up you are in.
I encourage you to wake up, sister! If what you say is true, your husband is a man of diseased heart who is rationalizing his sins, using religion for his own self-aggrandizement and agendas and still finds ways to blame you for it when he says things like you made him go to his mistress. Start making choices and stop making excuses. You are enabling him as long as you do not offer him an ultimatum to get right or get going.
May Allah help you,
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.