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Husband Left Me & The Kids for Another Woman

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 13, 2018

Question

As Salamu Aleikom. I am married for 15 years now and have 2 kids. My husband had no job when we got married. It was arranged with the consent of elders on both side. He practically pressurized me to bend me into marriage. I had a good job but had to leave after getting pregnant. He did not want to have a second child and wanted to abort it, but his parents did not agree. He got a job after my girl was born. He was unfaithful to me.

A year ago, he was contacted by his ex-college girlfriend who had refused him previously and married a boy of her parents’ choice as he was settling in America and, thus, was a better choice. Now she has 2 kids and married for 17 years but pursued my husband and convinced him to leave me and marry her. For a year, they have had an illegal affair. She somehow convinced my mother-in-law and they got married here. That woman converted to Sunni Islam to convince them and make her parents happy. He became a Bohora.

For one year, he has not been providing the for his kids while spending a lot on her. He even tried giving me triple talaq which is Islamically not valid but he is lying to his family and friends that he divorced me. No one is helping me or listening to me. I've been to the court also but nothing is happening quickly. His family is heartless showing to the world as if they were God-fearing while continuing to do injustice to my kids and me. My husband is not religious. My kids and I are very disturbed. I'm an asking for my money and my kids’ rights properly and even divorce, but he is not giving it to me and continues to harass and trouble us. I have been praying and asking Allah hopping Allah will send some guidance. Waiting for some helpful response. Jazak Allah.

Counselor

Answer


Husband Left Me & The Kids for Another Woman

In this counseling answer:

• He has violated your Islamic rights in numerous ways, as well as the rights of your children.

• It is better for you and your children to focus on your own well-being.

• Seeing a qualified counselor is also very beneficial for yourself.

• Show them as much love and comfort as you can; remind them that Allah is always there for them, and will always take care of them.


Wa ‘alaikumus-salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakaatuh,

I am terribly sorry to hear of your painful situation. You have been through a great deal of difficulty and tribulation, and it is undoubtedly a time of pain for you. However, remember that none of these hardships is in vain.

The Messenger of Allah told us: “If Allah intends good for someone, then he afflicts him with trials.” (Bukhari)

He also said: “The servant will continue to be tried until he is left walking upon the earth without any sin.” (Tirmidhi)

“Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’ Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” (Qur’an, 2:214)

“For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” (Qur’an 94:5-6)

“Verily, with greater rewards come greater trials. Verily, when Allah loves a people he will test them. Whoever is pleased will be satisfied, and whoever is displeased will feel bitter.” (Tirmidhi)

It is important to note that your situation does not constitute one of polygamy as permitted in the Shari’ah. Rather, this man has not only committed zina, but also committed kufr by claiming in any way that he has converted to any faith other than Islam itself.

He has violated your Islamic rights in numerous ways, as well as the rights of your children. Based on what you have shared, there is very little that you can do – practically speaking – to fix the situation, beyond going to the courts. While I know that going to court is a long and tiresome procedure, it is currently your best option legally.

With regards to everything else, my advice is that rather than continuing to emotionally engage with this man, move on as much as possible.

Islamically, your marriage with him is over; not only has he given you talaq, but his claim of conversion to the Bohra religion renders him outside the fold of Islam, and, therefore, impermissible for you to be married to him in any way.

It is better for you and your children to focus on your own well-being.

First and foremost, remember to turn to Allah sincerely in prayer (salah) and supplication (du’aa). As someone who is being oppressed, you are in the special position of having your du’aa responded.

The Messenger of Allah said: “Beware of the supplication of the oppressed, for there is no barrier between it and Allah.” (Bukhari)

Know that Allah alone has the power to change your situation; He is closer to us than us our own jugular veins. He is ar-Rahman (the Most Merciful), ar-Raheem (the Especially Merciful); He is ar-Razzaaq (the Provider) and al-Fattaah (the Opener). Call upon Him by His Most Beautiful Names and Attributes, and seek His comfort and His support in all that you do.

This is a very difficult time for your children as well. Show them as much love and comfort as you can; remind them that Allah is always there for them, and will always take care of them. Since they will undoubtedly be going through a great deal of emotional turmoil, it may be helpful to find counselors and therapists who specialize in helping children through divorce and other painful circumstances. Seeing a qualified counselor is also very beneficial for yourself. They will be able to help you through the emotional struggle of your situation and teach you how to navigate the challenges in a healthy way, inshaAllah.

Now, with regards to yourself and your children: the man who used to be your husband is clearly unreliable for finances. Instead of depending on him for financial stability, it would be wise of you to begin planning how to take care of yourself and your children. Certainly, you should use the courts to seek the child support rightly owed, but also be aware of the reality that it will likely not be enough to support you all completely.

If you have family members such as your father or brothers who can help provide for you and your children, well and good. If not, you should look into ways that you can seek halal rizq (provision) by working in a manner that is permissible for you to do so (for example, do not work at a bank that deals in usury or interest, or for a liquor store, and so on). Have trust in Allah that He will provide for your family:

{And whoever fears Allah – He will make for them a way out, and will provide for them from where they do not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for them. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.} (Qur’an 65:2-3)

Your situation is a difficult one, but I have no doubt that you will be able to emerge from this a stronger believer and a stronger woman, inshaAllah. Do not allow this individual’s atrocious behavior to dictate how you live your life – rather, rely on Allah for support and strength, and be proactive in taking care of yourself and your children.

Many great women of our Islamic history went through terrible struggles that seemed impossible to overcome. The mother of Prophet Musa first thought that her son would be killed, and then feared that he would be drowned in the Nile river, yet Allah protected both her and her son and reunited them against all odds; Maryam, the mother of Prophet ‘Eesa thought that her reputation would be forever destroyed due to her pregnancy, yet Allah honoured her above most of humankind and immortalized her name in the Qur’an for eternity. Like them, you are a woman and a mother in a painful situation; like them, Allah is there for you and will protect you, and grant you the strength you need to overcome these great challenges.

May Allah ease your heart of its pain, and remove your difficulties, and grant you tawfeeq in all your affairs, ameen.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Zainab bint Younus

Zainab bint Younus is a young woman who finds constant inspiration in the lives of the Sahabiyaat and other great women in Islamic history. She hopes that every Muslimah is able to identify with the struggles of these inspirational women and follow in their footsteps to become a part of a new generation of powerful Muslim women. She blogs at http://www.thesalafifeminist.blogspot.com


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