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My Husband is in a Facebook Relationship

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 29, 2016

Question

As-salamu `alaikum. My husband has added a girl on Facebook who is neither his colleague, nor his relative. He happened to meet her on chat. I told him not to add her and delete her, but he's adamant on it. What do you think I should do? It upsets me a lot. I tried to make myself clear, but he doesn't want to listen. Please advise.

Counselor

Answer


My Husband is in a Facebook Relationship

Answer:

As-Salam `Alaikum dear sister,

Your husband’s behavior must hurt your feelings a lot. You may also be worried about him since this is not a healthy behavior. I understand that you see this as a serious situation.

The fact is, however, that you cannot ever force anyone to do anything that he does not want to do. It appears that your husband has made it clear that he intends to continue this behavior. You really increase the probability that he will continue when you focus on the behavior. That is just how things work.

If you truly want to connect with your husband, and you desire a relationship with him, then stop all preaching and demands. Don’t even judge your husband’s actions. Allah (swt) will judge him. Your husband will answer to Allah (swt) for his actions. Perhaps, he is seeking a second wife.

Take your focus off of what he is doing and see what positive behaviors you can exhibit that will encourage him to have a relationship with you. Is there something you can do or an approach you can use that will make him feel comfortable being with you instead of the computer?

Attract him! Get in touch with your own femininity and worth as a woman. Be soft and kind. If your husband is going to become interested in you, rather than the girl in the computer, this is how that door will open. If he does not, then he simply isn’t going to. A woman will never be able to control how a man feels, or what a man wants, or what a man does. Don’t frustrate yourself trying.

Focus more on opening the lines of communication with him. Not about the girl, but rather about the life you are living with him.

Focus on your well-beingBy focusing on your own behavior, your own spiritual growth, and your own relationship with Allah (swt), you will either find your relationship with your husband repaired, or you will find yourself more content with yourself and able to accept life as it is, or both.

Just a note to remember: men often find this level of feminine independence attractive. He might start chasing you if you make the shift. If not, then you don’t have anything to lose. What is really there in your relationship is there, what is not there is not.

Focus more on how you fit into the bigger picture of Allah’s (swt) plans. This is your salvation.

Salam,

***

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