As-Salamu `Alaikum dear brother,
Thank you for the confidence you place in Aboutislam.net. It is a highly commended step that you seek advice to improve your relationship with Allah, doing what He loves and moving away from what He forbids.
Seeking Allah’s Forgiveness
Allah promised He will forgive us as long as we have sincere repentance.
In a Fatwa of Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, he states,
“Allah’s forgiveness is granted to those who repent sincerely. Sincere repentance requires fulfilling three conditions: Feeling deep remorse and contrition for sin;refraining from the sin as well from associations and ways that led a person to it in the first place; and, finally, resolving never to do the same again. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) reminded us that sincere repentance involves changing oneself for the better by engaging in good works: “If you happen to commit a sin, follow it up by good deeds,” and “Allah does not wipe out a bad deed by another; He rather wipes out bad deeds with good deeds.” Once a person has repented sincerely, he is forgiven. So, since you are sincere in your repentance, in sha’ Allah.”
Also, brother, keep in mind that in Islam pre-marital relationship is completely forbidden – even with your fiancé as you’re not her mahram yet. Regarding the Islamic etiquettes during engagement, kindly read this article and find more below.
Rights of Other People
However, if a mistake we did is related to other creatures, we should also seek to correct our mistake with them or return their rights to them. But in cases where seeking to correct your mistakes with people might end in more harm for them, one should be very careful.
In your case, what you can do with your fiancée is to make du`aa’ for her and to work your best in paying her all her rights and to treat her in a way that pleases Allah. Now that Alhamdulillah you have ended that haram relationship and repented sincerely, open a new page with your fiancée. Take this relationship seriously and take real steps toward the step of marriage. Get to know her more. Do you think you really know her as a person? Have you both had deep conversations with each other in different topics and different aspects of yourselves? Have you talked about how you see your future life together, what you want from this marriage and what do you expect from each other as husband and wife? You also have to ask yourself questions about your feelings toward your fiancée and to search for the reasons that made you go into another relationship.
Now, addressing your feeling of guilt and how to get rid of it, this is done by concentrating your thoughts and efforts on doing positive deeds.
Getting Rid of the Guilt Feeling
One should keep in mind that one way of Shaytan’s work on us to drift us away from the path of Allah and from doing good deeds is to make us overwhelmed by our feeling of guilt so that we will have no energy for doing positive deeds. When you are haunted by your feeling of guilt, you feel paralyzed, drained and unable to do anything positive. Hence, dwelling on the feeling of guilt is something that does not benefit anybody; neither you nor others. The healthy feeling of guilt is only that degree of guilt that pushes us to repent and correct our mistakes and replace our bad deeds with good deeds.
Work on stopping that guilt feeling by seeking refuge with Allah from Shaytanthrough repeating Isti`atha (A`outhu Billahi minal Shaitan Al Rajeem) whenever you have negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts about Allah’s mercy and that once we repented all our sins are erased. Also, replace the negative thinking by doing something positive. Surround yourself with good Muslims, get involved in work for the community and the Masjid, stick to your daily prayers, read Qur’an and try to meditate about the meanings, fast, give Sadaqa (charity), learn something new about your religion or in any other field. All these and others are positive things to do to replace the harmful feeling of guilt and to keep you on the path of Allah.
We pray Allah we have been able to be of help to you. May Allah support you in your path towards Him.
Feel free to write us back if you need any further advice or support.
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