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Brother-in-Law Forces Me to Continue Our Haram Relationship

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Oct 18, 2017

Question

I got married a few years ago. I am a school teacher. I live in one district with my sister in law and brother in law. My husband stays in another district due to his job. He comes every week. We had a good relationship, but last year I committed physical relationship (zina) with my brother in law. My husband doesn't know anything about us. I continued with the sin but soon realized that I made a big mistake. Since then I’ve stopped the sin and sincerely repented to Allah. Recently, I have become a mother. The problem is that my brother in law wants to continue our haram relationship. He says he won’t talk to me at all if I stop this relationship. I want our relationship to be normal after stopping the zina because this issue may harm my husband's family. In this situation, I don't know what should I do. I want to stop everything without hurting him because I love him as a brother. Now, what should I do? Will ALLAH forgive us? I feel guilty every moment. Please give me a better solution.

Counselor

Answer



In this counseling answer:

“I suggest that you ask your husband if you can stay with him in the district where he lives. Tell him that you want to be close to him and that living far apart from him makes you lonely and sad.”


As-Salamu ‘ Aleikum,

Thank for reaching out to us for help. I will try to guide you the best I can.

First of all, you will have to know that having an intimate/sexual relationship with your brother-in-law is not allowed in Islam. It is a sin you will have to repent for. However, I am glad to hear that you have realized that what you did with your brother-in-law was a major sin. Not only is it wrong Islamically, but also a betrayal to your husband.

Humans make mistakes. We are not perfect. However, it is important to not repeat your sins once you realized it was wrong. Mistakes happen once, not twice. Learn from your mistakes and seek sincere forgiveness from Allah (swt). Ask Him to guide you and help you.

Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

 “And whoever holds firmly to Allah, he would not have gone away from guidance of obedience” (3:101)

When you hold fast to Allah (swt), He (swt) helps you to control your nafs (inclinations) and protect you from the Shaytan.

We should strive every day to become a better person than yesterday. A way of doing that is to learn and feel guilt from your wrongdoings and admit to yourself that you have committed sin and never let that happen again.

I can sense from your text that you feel guilty and that you are not happy about what happened between you and your brother-in-law. Guilt is an emotional experience when a person believes that he or has done something that is against his or her own standard of moral and belief. You will continue to live in this guilt if you do not stop this sin. Your brother-in-law plays with your emotions. You do not have to agree with what he is saying. This is a choice you will have to make yourself. Do not let him force you to do anything that you know is completely against Islam.

I can understand that you care about your husband’s family, but you will have to distance yourself from your brother-in-law. It will be easier for him to manipulate you to commit zina with him if you keep the same close relationship with him as before. That’s why I would suggest that you cut the bond with him completely and don’t let him come close to you again. You are a mother now and you will have to make yourself strong; after all, you will be the role model for your child.

I suggest that you ask your husband if you can stay with him in the district where he lives. Tell him that you want to be close to him and that living far apart from him makes you lonely and sad.

Life is a constant battle against Shaytan until the last day of your life. It is not an easy task to be strong all the time, but to stay strong, you will have to seek for forgiveness and be close to your Lord. Pray to Him sincerely and try to avoid everything that makes you commit the sin.

Avoid the things that get you closer to the haram things. Put yourself forward to positive activities such as joining the local mosque for female Quranic lectures, listening to good Muslim scholars when you are alone and staying more in contact with your husband.

Remember, in this battle against Shaytan, you will have to fight hard, and to do that you will have to work on yourself. Being a Muslim is about what is right even when your desires are pulling you towards something sinful.

In your situation, you have to think about what is the right and wrong thing to do, even if it means that you have to cut the contact with your brother and sister-in-law.

If you feel emotionally blackmailed in any form by him to keep in touch with him, you should tell him that if he tries to contact you again, you will tell his wife and family about the harmful act (zina) you both have committed to each other. I am sure he does not want anyone to know about it, so he will stop troubling you with anything after you have warned him. I am not saying that you should tell about the zina to anyone. Of course, you should never do that. But by telling your brother-in-law that you will tell everyone, you will scare him and will keep him away from you.

Allah (swt) knows what has happened to you both. Nobody else needs to know about it. You just need to promise yourself that it will not happen again. Keep asking for forgiveness from Allah (swt).

May Allah (swt) forgive your sins and guide you on the right path.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hadia Ali

Hadia Ali is a 27 years old Pakistani Muslim woman, born and bred in Norway. She has obtained her bachelor's degree in Sociology from Norway. Currently, she lives in the UK with her husband and two children. Email: micha.agr@gmail.com

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