Affair After Affair; I'm not Attracted to My Husband | About Islam
Home > Ask the Counselor > Extramarital Affairs > Affair After Affair; I’m not Attracted to My Husband

Affair After Affair; I’m not Attracted to My Husband

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 17, 2018

Question

Salam. I am very ashamed to confess that I had several sexual affairs before my marriage. My parents got me engaged to a guy (they didn't know about my affairs) whom I wasn't attracted at all. My mother, due to fear of society, begged me not to call off my engagement. I married him and as expected didn't feel any attraction towards him.

I got so depressed, and the emptiness got me into another affair. Initially, I enjoyed it a lot, but later on, the burden of huge sin took its toll on me. I decided to quit it, but my husband found it out. He didn't know the extent of the affair but just read some romantic messages. He got very hurt and depressed. I begged him to forgive me.

I started wearing hijab and I’ve become regular in prayers, but I still don't find him attractive. He is obese and doesn't take care of himself despite my uncountable requests.

Counselor

Answer


Affair After Affair; I'm not Attracted to My Husband

In this counseling answer:

• You say he is obese so maybe you could make exercise an activity that you both engage in together. You might like to sign up to the gym together.

• Find a beautiful place to go for a walk and make it part of a routine. Seeing beautiful scenery together will help to encourage conversation, get to know each other, and develop a love and appreciation for each other.


As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,

May Allah forgive you dear sister and make it easy for you to continue on the straight path. You know that you have sinned, but you have repented for it and are doing your best to avoid letting it happen again.

It is understandable that you are finding your marriage difficult if you do not find your husband attractive. Marriage is the best protection from committing further sin with affairs, so it’s important that you try your very best to make it work to avoid falling into sin again.

You say you have tried to tell him to take better care of himself. If he is not too sensitive, you could just be more firm with him in pushing him to take better care of himself. However, this can be quite a sensitive topic for many, so you could be more gentle and encouraging with the issue.

You say he is obese so maybe you could make exercise an activity that you both engage in together. You might like to sign up to the gym together. You can support him through activities in the gym and you can help to motivate him to attend regularly if you go together.

Alternatively, find a beautiful place to go for a walk and make it part of a routine. Seeing beautiful scenery together will help to encourage conversation, get to know each other, and develop a love and appreciation for each other.


Check out this counseling video:


As an added bonus, the exercise should in sha’ Allah tackle his obesity, too. As you come to love him more, you will naturally find him more attractive. This will take time and you have to be patient to allow this love to develop.

May Allah give you the patience to face the challenges of marriage and ultimately experience the benefits of a happy and successful marriage, and may He keep you on the straight path.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

 




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

Add Comment


find out more!