As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
You have been tested very severely, and I am happy that, through it all, you came to a correct understanding of Islam and strong belief rather than driving away out of ignorance!
I worked in drug and alcohol rehabilitation for five years and their mantra jumped into my mind when I was reading your question: “God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
My dear sister in Islam, feel comforted in that Allah (swt) tests the hardest the ones He (swt) loves the most, and then move on with your life. Pray for your mother that one day she has the strength, wisdom, and support she needs to get out of this abusive relationship. BUT, please don’t judge her harshly. People need to be forgiven. People need to be loved, even when they are weak! Allah (swt) even asks us to forgive our enemies!
So, please do not be mad at your mother. She is suffering, and the best thing you can do for her is to love her. At least you can give her this in the face of her husband not giving her that and abusing her, too. I know that this may be hard for you, but giving love to others gives solace to your heart. It feels good for both; it makes you feel good that you have done the right thing. Bottom line, love just plain feels good and is a healing thing.
Anger and hate are negative feelings and as such are hard to carry around. Thus, they are the opposite of healing. Love feels light. Have mercy on your mother. She is your mother, and for that she deserves your love and respect. In addition, she needs it right now the most because of what she has been suffering from her husband. Your protection for yourself is in your own heart – that you know that the abuse is wrong and you can leave and not be subjected to the abuse anymore. You don’t have to approve of your mother’s decisions to continue to feel love for and to continue to show her love!
I hope this helps because I am worried about your mental health as you said that it was weak. My dear sister in Islam, you are on the right path because you found the truth about Islam in the face of oppression, so let that reinforce your sense of self and self-respect so that your mental health can improve. Improved self-respect is help from Allah (swt), in sha’ Allah.
Lastly, once you make up with your mother and establish that you will be there for her through thick and thin, even if you don’t agree with her choices, advise her that she has to get away from that dangerous “domestic violence” situation because it puts her safety, and even her life, in danger. Are there any shelters for victims of domestic violence in your area? Or, can your mother stay with you or another sibling of yours? Or, does she have a sister or brother or parents with whom she could stay to get out of that dangerous situation? In sha’ Allah.
You may be obliged to Allah (swt) to report your father’s violence to her to the police if he injures her physically or is capable of that! I do not think the police can do anything about emotional abuse, but, in front of Allah, that, too, is very serious. So, you should try to protect her from that by advising her respectfully to get out immediately. Abuse is not Islam!
I hope these suggestions help, In sha’ Allah.
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