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Sexually Harassed As a Child: Why I Enjoyed It?

Questioner

Y

Reply Date

Jan 02, 2018

Question

I was sexually harassed as a child by 2 different persons, and I still have some clear and vague memories of it. The memories I have are that I enjoyed it at that time, I have no idea why. Usually, when the incident came to my mind, I thought that maybe Allah would punish them because I wasn’t matured enough to make a sound decision. But these memories are haunting me as to why I enjoyed it. Normally a kid would scream in such situation. Why didn’t I scream? I feel disgusted. Am I a sinner?

Counselor

Answer


Sexually Harassed As a Child: Why I Enjoyed It?

In this counseling answer:

“You, by no means, should feel ashamed of what happened to you. It is sad to know how people harassed you, but sister, you cannot change the past. Instead, you can accept it and try forgetting what happened and move on in life.”


Dear Sister,

It is very unfortunate to know what you went through as a child. May Allah give you the strength and courage to deal and overcome this hardship.

Well, if you expose a 2-year-old to a lizard, she will probably go ahead and dare to touch the creature. In contrast, if a 20-year-old sees such an insect, she would probably scream and run away. Children do not know yet what is right and what is wrong; what is moral and what is immoral. Our elders, especially our parents and teachers, teach us these differences. Therefore, if any male tends to touch various body parts of a child, she will probably not shout or be upset. In fact, she will be indifferent to it as she does not know that what is happening is wrong.

Dear sister, you went through the same thing. We all have memories which we are ashamed of, but what happened to you was not your fault. May the criminal be tried by Allah. Your concern over enjoying that time is a matter you need to closely understand because it is pretty normal.

Children tend to touch their genitals and several parts of the body because of the pleasure they receive. In other words, they are getting comfortable with their bodies. A child does not understand that act of enjoyment and later discovers the reality of masturbation. So, the fact that you like the feeling is not something you should be ashamed of. It is with the time that parents notice these acts and incorporate behaviors and, for example, causally put the child’s hand away or give him something to play with so that his attention is directed to a productive end.

You, by no means, should feel ashamed of what happened to you. It is sad to know how people harassed you, but sister, you cannot change the past. Instead, you can accept it and try forgetting what happened and move on in life.

One thing I would like to point is the fact that not everyone in the world is bad, but not everyone deserves your trust. So, you do not need to be frightened or stay quiet. Instead, stand up and raise your voice for yourself and for the sake of others. You are not alone because so many girls go through this. Many times it is because of the negligence and silence of individuals and their guardians.

Here are some tips that you can implement in your life, in sha’ Allah:

Realize the fact that you are not alone and do not blame yourself.

Safety plan: Always be cautious and trust your instincts. When you are out and you feel that you are being followed, try changing your path or try calling someone. Keep your phone charged. Always keep extra money with you and be vigilant. You may want to also consider learning some powerful self-defense techniques.

Move on: Place your trust in Allah and move on. Get over what happened with you. Try to maintain a log where you can record the times when old memories haunt you. See the events that trigger it and try eradicating it from your life. Keep yourself busy in indulging in activities. I also encourage you to seek help from a professional counselor who can help you process the trauma happened to you and regain your self-confidence.

Educate others, especially children, on this issue and tell them it is not acceptable to give or accept sexual favors. Tell children that no one is supposed to touch or see their body, and if any such thing happens, they should report it to their elders without any fear.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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