8 years is certainly quite a long duration. Do you really want to part despite your two kids? Is it a problem with your spouse or his brother that is making you opt for divorce? Will this second guy actually accept your kids, and what will happen when he has his own child; will he do justice?
There are so many questions one needs to ponder when deciding about getting out of a relationship. Whatever happened between you and your husband’s brother is something you already stood for. It is unfortunate how your in-laws did not believe what happened, and at times people blindly trust their kids to an extent that even their worst mistake is overshadowed. You tried your best but it is very sad that even your husband was not at your side. This is probably because of the fluctuating shaken bond between you two.
I advise you to give it another shot just for the sake of your children. Talk to your husband about the problems you have had and tell him that you want to be with him and that his kids need him. Also, tell him that this will not happen until the time he solves the issue with his brother; maybe you can move out from the joint family. You need to gain his trust because remember, he is the same person who you fell in love with. Revive the relationship by bringing in acts and behavior that previously bloomed the love. Give it a shot (maybe with the help of a marriage counselor) because maybe things can work out.
When you say that you need a time off after divorce before marriage explicitly shows that you are too tired for all the drama that has been going on. You are not completely ready for another marriage, are you? 8 years of marriage certainly requires too much time. However, relationships fall out when only one person is putting in effort and making compromises. Tell your husband that the workload and the behavior of his parents worry you and tell him to resolve them. It shows that apart from your personal relationship with your spouse, you are in trouble because of your in-laws. Tell your husband to do something about it and see how you both can work it out especially for your kids.
This other guy might appear nice but isn’t it wrong to maintain a connection with a married woman? Is there any guarantee that he won’t do such a similar thing with someone else after marrying you? Are you sure he’ll love your kids as a real father? Think about it because no marriage is easy. You are stepping out of one and getting into another; you don’t know what the other one has for you. Therefore, try working upon the marriage you are already in. Talk to your husband and possibly your mother and father in law. See what issues matter to them and be good with them because when you gain their trust and build up a relationship, they will not only treat you good but will also stand up for the harassment going on. Whatever reaction comes, you must stay away from your husband’s brother and the best way to deal with is via your own husband.
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