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Imprisoned By My Husband

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Dec 27, 2016

Question

I've been married for 1 year. My husband used to go out often and when I mention I would like to go out too, he gets sad or angry. He knows he has double standards but he says he can't be calm if I go out. Even market can be a problem for him. He doesn't let me neither go to buy bread. I feel as in prison, my marriage is prison, I lost all my friends, I’m alone the most of the day, and I become depressive because I don't see neither sun nor moon, only room walls. Our marriage was love marriage, not arranged, I knew before he is jealous and little possessive maybe but now he crossed all limits because I’m as a bird in a cage.

Counselor

Answer


Imprisoned By My Husband

Answer:

As-Salamu `Alaikum Sister,

Thank you for sending us your question. I am so sorry to hear about your situation in your marriage. No doubt, feeling as if you were a prisoner in your home and in your marriage can be extremely difficult as you have mentioned. I ask Allah (swt) to make a way out for you and to help you find a solution to your problem.

It seems like you and your husband need to sit down and talk rationally and seriously about this issue. Have you ever asked him why he does not allow you to leave the house? Does he know how much you have been suffering and that you have lost all your friends and are becoming “depressive” as a result of his refusal to allow you to leave?

You mentioned that “I knew before he is jealous and little possessive maybe but now he crossed all limits because I’m as bird in cage.” Since he was jealous and possessive from before, was this jealousy at all addressed before marriage? These are all vital questions that need to be answered honestly and thoroughly to get to the bottom of this problem.

From what you have described, it is not healthy to live in such a manner to the point that you start to feel resentful, depressed, and to lose all contact with your friends. This is not the way of Islam.

From your description, it doesn’t seem like he is putting you away because of religious reasons, but there might be a more hidden reason behind it and you need to find that out. If he is possessive to the point that he is controlling you and overpowering you, then this is something that needs to be addressed as soon as possible because these qualities will kill a marriage and cause tremendous damage to the relationship. Things need to change.

You need to sit down with your husband and try to come to a mutual understanding about this issue and to let him know how you feel about this behavior and how it is causing you a lot of distress.

I would also highly recommend that you go a step further and seek assistance from a certified marriage counselor. Since you live in Australia, please look for marriage counselors.

A marriage counselor will help the both of you understand your boundaries and to assist you both in communicating with each other and seeking a common ground based on empathy and compromise. A lot of people hesitate before seeking professional counseling. Please do not hesitate because counseling can really help you and your husband get through such issues.

May Allah give you the strength to do what is right.

Salam,

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About Aliah F. Azmeh

Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.

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