In this counseling answer:
- Seek marriage counseling.
- If you chose to seek a divorce, make sure to surround yourself with support from loved ones.
- Allah brings trials to those He loves most because it is a chance to purify you from sins.
As-Salamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuh sister,
You really have faced some difficulties in this marriage. Whilst all marriages do face their own difficulties, in most cases, it is possible to overcome them. But when there is abuse involved like this, it becomes a lot more difficult.
Given the nature of the abuse, I cannot advise on how you might improve things in the relationship because abuse is not acceptable. However, I also don’t like to advise divorce in a situation where I haven’t heard both sides of the story. So, I will instead advise on how to manage your own psychological state to make things easier for you, in sha Allah.
Seek Marriage Counseling
In cases where marriage is facing difficulties, I would always advise seeking counseling, even if it looks like divorce is the only way forward. This is so that you will not look back with regrets as you tried everything to make things work and divorce was the absolute last option.
In your case, however, you have already taken this step and it did not work out in your favor. In fact, it only made the abuse worse.
If you chose to seek a divorce, make sure to surround yourself with support from loved ones as it can be very difficult, even in times where it is the best option.
Furthermore, remember that seeking a new marriage again doesn’t have to be a burden. So, don’t let this thought stop you.
Unfortunately, the situation is threatening your faith, but it doesn’t have to if you frame your situation in the best way. Often when people are in a situation that causes them to ask ’why me?’, it makes them feel distant from Allah.
Finding no answer to the question “why” makes them feel even worse and pushes them away even further. If you search in Islam, you can actually find all the answers to why and these answers can be very empowering.
Allah brings trials to those He loves most because it is a chance to purify you from sins.
Remember the amount of suffering the great prophets of Islam went through before us. If it was some kind of punishment, then He wouldn’t have put the best of people through such suffering.
The suffering will not be forever. It will pass. It will eventually just become a memory.
You will be rewarded for your patience, if not in this life, then the next. The greater the trial you endure, the bigger the reward!
In fact, for every wrong that you have faced at the hands of another, you will be given a portion of their good deeds.
Hardship Builds Resilience
Aside from the Islamic answer to this, suffering can be a good way to build resilience. It can make you stronger and nurture greater levels of emotions regulation and distress tolerance skills.
Furthermore, it places you in a situation where you become more aware of your blessings. Right now they may seem so few and, therefore, they are easier to notice and appreciate. This can enhance your level of gratitude and appreciation and to make the most of the blessings you do have.
May Allah guide you, strengthen you and reward your patience. May He bring you ease in your difficulties.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.