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• You need to seek professional help, such as counseling, in order to be able to process the feelings that you have towards your father and your mother.
• Let him know that you are thankful to Allah for granting you such a husband and that you look forward to his continued support.
• Inquire about your friends’ lives instead of focusing only on your life and your problems. Listen to them. Learn from them.
• Strengthen your relationship with Allah.
Thank you for your kind words about AboutIslam’s Cyber Counseling service.
We want to be truthful with you because we believe you have the potential to improve your situation, in sha’ Allah, and we want to help you to do so.
First, you must realize that because your childhood home environment had such a negative impact on your outlook on life, it is not enough just to wish that those memories would disappear. You need to seek professional help, such as counseling, in order to be able to process the feelings that you have towards your father and your mother.
You need to be able to work on your self-esteem. You need to be able to confront your feelings and, with the help of the counselor, confront your parents, even if it means doing so in the form of a letter which you never send or in the form of conversations with the counselor as if you were actually talking to your parents! If you do not seek counseling, you will continue to face difficult challenges in moving forward with your life. However, we feel that your childhood experiences are only one part of the issues you are dealing with today.
Second, we strongly believe that Allah Most High has blessed you with a patient and understanding husband precisely so that your new home environment can be of your own making. Tell him how much you appreciate him! Let him know that you are thankful to Allah for granting you such a husband and that you look forward to his continued support. You have a choice to make. You either wallow in self-pity and continue to blame your parents for how you are today, or you pull yourself together, make du`aa’ to Allah, and begin a new life.
You are married now, you have a three-year-old child, and your home environment can be whatever you want it to be within Islamic limits. You need not throw out the television set, but you must definitely reduce the total number of hours you spend watching television. Rather than being a source of news or education, you are using the television as an escape from your daily life, the housework, and any other obligations towards Allah, yourself, your husband and your young son.
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Third, most of your friends do not stay in touch with you because no one wants to have contact with a person who is consistently down on herself and brings down everyone else around her. Try something different next time. Inquire about your friends’ lives instead of focusing only on your life and your problems. Listen to them. Learn from them. Encourage them to deal with issues that they are facing in their own lives and you will find that they will, in turn, make it a point to stay in touch with you and inquire about your well-being.
Finally, we urge you to strengthen your relationship with Allah through consistently reading the Qur’an with commentary. Try to understand that Allah Most High knows your pain and suffering but that you will never improve your relationship with your family and friends if your relationship with Allah is in shambles. You cannot watch television at the expense of ignoring your religious duties.
Satan will tempt you into thinking that your relationship with Allah is all right, but you know better than that, and we urge you to get closer to Allah through regular prayer, fasting and charity. Make du`aa’ to Allah to help you and to guide you to improve your condition. You are losing time, but you have not lost all of your time yet! Set your life aright and, in sha’ Allah, with Allah’s help you will improve your married life and convey a positive image of Islam!
Allah (swt) knows best.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.