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Don’t Wives Have Value in Islam?

Questioner

A

Reply Date

May 26, 2018

Question

Don’t wives have a value in Islam? I am a new revert. I am told repeatedly I can be replaced. I am also called by bad names and hit. My husband apologizes for the hit a couple hours later, but it doesn't change anything; it happens again. His mother supports and praises him for hitting me because I am of a different nationality and she sees all other nationalities beneath their nationality. I have taken verbal abuse from her, and he sits there as he believes defending me will upset his mother and upsetting one’s mother in Islam is forbidden.

Counselor

Answer


Don’t Wives Have Value in Islam?

In this counseling answer:

• Islam prohibits abuse. It is a sin.

• If you have family in the area, I suggest you reach out to them.

• Seek counseling.


As Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,

Yes! You have many rights in Islam as a Muslim, as a woman, as a wife, and a mother. Please see this link for a list of some of your rights. You have the right to be respected, loved, treated with kindness, provided for (maintained), to live in a peaceful home, to live in safety, to name a few.

You are in an abusive relationship my dear sister. Islam prohibits abuse. It is a sin. You are not only being abused by your husband but your mother-in-law as well. It is appalling. Your husband says you can be replaced? So can he! You do not want to live in an abusive relationship anyhow. You are worth much more than that! You are a pious, intelligent, beautiful Muslimah who deserves the best of husbands. He is not one of the best.

I suggest you get yourself to a safe place and begin counseling to deal with the effects of abusive relationships as well as consulting with an attorney. This is not an Islamic marriage.

If you have family in the area, I suggest you reach out to them. If not and you feel you are in danger, contact the authorities, only if it is safe to do so. While I do not know where you live, please do follow up and look for counselors and domestic violence hotlines on the internet. However, after doing so, please take care to erase your browsing history.

Sister, Allah (swt) loves you and did not create marriage as a place of a battleground. He did not bless a man with a wife, so he could use her as his physical and verbal punching bag. This is not Islam. Sadly, this is a sickness prevalent in so many of today’s marriages worldwide.

Please seek counseling and a way out as soon as possible. Please seek refuge in Allah (swt) and make du’aa’ that He (swt) grants ease. He (swt) is the most merciful, sister. When you are in a stable situation, please do take the time to study Islamic rights of women. It will help clarify so much for you. Knowing our religion is a protection sister and gives us the wisdom to avoid hardships such as this.

You are in our prayers. Please do let us know how you are doing.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

“I’ve the Right to Hit You”, Husband Says

Feeling Hopeless in My Abusive Marriage

Can a Muslim Woman Divorce Her Abusive Husband?




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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