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Contemplating on Suicide Due to Abuse

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 28, 2016

Question

Since I was a child, I was taught that females must do everything for the males. My father would come home to beat my mother, to then beat us. I guess that somehow it clicked into my older brothers head that it was ok to do the same thing to us. From 6 to 13 yrs old, I was sexually abused by my older brother. There has also been numerous times where family relatives have groped me, and touched me in inappropriate places. I have grown up in an environment where we were expected to have the house spotless, my parents’ laundry done, and food ready and served for them to eat. Apparently we were useless at doing anything right. Guess my parents loved having 4 children, more slaves for them. Now I am at collage with a scholarship, but nobody cares. My relatives just help my other brothers, but I am left alone. I think they are even thinking of marrying me off soon. I have been depressed for so long, haven’t told anyone because it will never matter to them. Lately I have been contemplating suicide, and many ways of doing it. Can you please give me a rational thought as into why this is happening? Why do I feel like killing myself?

Counselor

Answer


Answer:

Salam ’Aleikom,

I am sorry for the way you have been treated. Dear sister, men and women are equal and are bound to respect and love each other. Quran says:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21)

It is the patriarchal society that gives men an upper status that is taken for granted. By no means should men be given permission to abuse women. It is time to raise your voice. If you sit there silently and accept what is happening with you, you will suffer more. Suicide is not an option because it is forbidden in Islam. The Prophet (saw) said,

“Whoever swears by a religion other than Islam, is, as he says; and whoever commits suicide with something, will be punished with the same thing in the (Hell) Fire; and cursing a believer is like murdering him; and whoever accuses a believer of disbelief, then it is as if he had killed him.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

You need to talk to your mother about this and help her stand against this wrong. You two can change things, by the help of Allah (swt).

In addition, there are several Human Rights organizations that can help you in this case. Talk to them as they will definitely safe you from what has been happening. You need to make your mother realize the authority she possesses. It is also your father’s as well as your brothers’ duty to protect you. Have you thought about talking to an elder in the family? Someone who is not following such practices? Maybe they can guide your father and brothers to respect females of the family.

Your past cannot be changed. Because of being abused throughout your life, you are seeking refuge in suicide. Sister, killing yourself will not eradicate the wrong behavior of the males of your family. They will continue being bad to your mother. You need to work on the problem instead of running away.

If an NGO or a helpful relative doesn’t work in your case, maybe you can start working on the way your family thinks about females. All they need is exposure. Tell them that Islam treates both genders equally. Tell them how females are best in several fields such as medicine and psychiatry. Sit with them and play movies that promote the status of females. Tell them about the high status of women in Islam. Although, looking at your case, this seems to be very hard, give it a try.

Sister, even in the current epoch, there are families where males tend to dominate and dictate by being ruthless to female counterparts. Do you have enough finances to move out with your mother? Maybe your scholarship at college can help you earn a degree that will eventually stregnthen you financially. Maybe you can start freelancing. This way, you can start saving money to protect yourself and your mother. Also, there are several support groups that will provide you with security in such a situation.This will be of great help in your case.

Another option could be marriage where you would gain protection by your spouse, but it is very likely that you father and your brothers will marry you in a conservative similar setup.

All you need to do is be strong. Drop the idea of ending your life because it will not stop the evil being practiced by your family and, hence, the society. Instead, you need to put an end to such a mindset. The Messenger of Allah (swt) said:

“The Muslim is the one from (the harm of) whose tongue and hand (other) Muslims are safe, and the believer is the one with whom the people trust their blood and their wealth.” (At-Tirmidhi)

Pray to Allah (swt) to guide you. Place your entire faith in Him (swt) and things will be fine.

Salam,

***

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About Atika Ali Hussein

Atika Ali Hussain received her BA in Social Sciences from Shaheed Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Institute of Science and Technology (SZABIST) and has 3 gold medals in Psychology. She has been working as freelance writer for 6 years for WriterBay and volunteering in an orphanage. You can contact her on her blog: www.lifelogpkblog.wordpress.com

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