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Survived an Abusive Marriage, But Can’t Remarry

Questioner

A

Reply Date

Feb 21, 2018

Question

Salam Aleikom. I was married for a year. My husband had a kind of split personality. He also showed symptoms of erctile dsyfunction. He was often abusive because of which I opted for a divorce. It’s been a year since I got divorced. My parents now are looking for a new husband for me, but they face problems in finding a good match. When they asked an islamic scholar about this, he said that there were some evil jinns that didn’t allow me to get married. I sometimes get bad dreams, too. Firstly, I have to honestly say that I don’t belive in such things (that due to jinns I can’t find another husband), but since my marriage is getting delayed, I am suffering. I feel lonely all the time. I don’t know what to do. I pray to Allah and make dua to Him because He is the only hope for the oppressed. Please tell me what I should do.

Counselor

Answer


Survived an Abusive Marriage, But Can't Remarry

Answer:

As-Salamu ’Alaikum my dear sister,

I am so sorry to hear about your difficult marriage and the abuse you had to suffer. I am happy though sister that you divorced this man and have started a new life. May Allah bless and guide you sister in your efforts.

While you did not indicate how long the abuse lasted, often times the trauma, stress, and mental anguish continue long after the abuse has stopped. A lot of women who are survivors of domestic violence/abuse may suffer from depression, low self-esteem, PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder as well as other mental heath symptoms, even years after the abuse has ended. Some women have ongoing nightmares, dibiliating depression, feelings of worthlessness, and lingering fear and depressive episodes.

While I am not sure if this is the case with you, I would highly suggest sister that in sha’ Allah you find a therapist in your area and seek counseling. Women who have been through abusive relationships often need counseling to help them heal, develop a healthy self image, and manage the symptoms of depression, PTSD, and other resulting mental health issues.

I often advise clients who were in similar situations to put off marriage until they are healed from the abusive past relationship. This ensures you are mentally healthy enough in sha’ Allah to enter a new relationship without bringing the past hurts and traumas into the new marriage. I know this is not what you want to hear as you feel lonely right now, but in the long run, it will be a benefit in sha ‘Allah to you and your future husband.

While I am not an Islamic Scholar, I cannot speak upon evil jinns, but what I can say is that your symptoms you briefly mentioned are very similar to other women who are survivors of abuse and have lingering trauma and depression. Thus, my recommendation to you is to get counseling.

I would also kindly suggest that you try to get out and do fun and social things with sisters. This will help you feel connected and also provide a support system. It will get your mind off of negative things, bring some joy to your life, and provide new interests and a balance in your daily activities which is a benefit. Draw closer to Allah (swt) by praying, making du’aa’, reading Qur’an, and doing dhkir. Ask Allah to grant ease and help you to heal from the traumatic marriage you were in. Allah is most merciful.

By giving yourself a chance to heal and recover and actively taking the steps to do so, you are increasing your chances for meeting a qualified, wonderful future husband, in sha’ Allah.

You are in our prayers dear sister. Please let us know how you are doing.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more: 

Feeling Hopeless in My Abusive Marriage

Tips on How to Deal with an Abusive Husband

How to Put an End to My Husband’s Emotional Abuse?




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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