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Second Wife: He Divorced Me Out of Fear

Questioner

N

Reply Date

Nov 05, 2018

Question

I am a second wife and have a child with my husband. He was forced to divorce me by his brothers and his first wife. They threatened him that they would tell his mother that he has a second wife and she would disown him. He signed a paper but said he had no intention to divorce me. I did not know of the divorce until after they had done this.

My husband gave me no papers but about a week later something was sent to me. My husband told me to tear it and throw it away as it meant nothing and that he had no intention of leaving me.

After he did what his first wife and his brother wanted from him, they told his mother anyway. Now I don't know if I am married or not.

I have done nothing wrong to warrant a divorce. His family stopped my husband from seeing our child. They watch every move of his. His family made him promise to never see me again. He is fearful of being cursed by his mother. I am still standing by him as I should because he told me I was still his wife. I don't know what to do. I love my husband and will not go against his word. I need help in this matter as I cannot leave him and he cannot leave me

Counselor

Answer



In this counseling answer:

“In the future, dear sister, please make sure that the next man you consider for marriage is one of honorable character and follows Islam. Not one who is weak and unstable succumbing to the demands of a family.”


As-Salamu ’Alaykum dear sister,

I am sad to hear about your situation with your husband. There are so many things in your story that are difficult to accept.

First of all, as you know, your marriage by Islamic law is to be made public. Marriages in Islam are not secrets.

Secondly, your husband should have discussed his marriage to you with his first wife and then it would have been up to her to accept it or divorce him. Your husband’s wife and his brothers, or even his mother for that matter, can not force him to divorce you. But, whether out of fear, weakness, or whatever reason, he chose to. These situations are sadly common, leaving the families shattered. You now are a single mom and your child has to suffer as well for your (x) husband’s poor decisions and weak character.

Sister, while what is done is done, please, in sha’ Allah, take this lesson and learn from it. Not all who claim to follow Islam actually do, and sadly cultural believes get inter-twined with Islam, distorting what is to be followed. We seek to please our families, but we seek to please Allah (swt) first which your husband failed to do. I am sorry that you and your daughter were victims of this.

In the future, dear sister, please make sure that the next man you consider for marriage is one of honorable character and follows Islam. Not one who is weak and unstable succumbing to the demands of a family.

I kindly suggest, dear sister, that you move on with your life, in sha’ Allah. Seek solace in your Muslim sisters, draw closer to Allah (swt) through prayer, reading Qur’an, and doing dhzikr. These things will help ease the hurt and pain and aid in healing your heart.


Check out this counseling video:


This life is full of tests and trials but, in sha’ Allah, they make us stronger. I have full confidence in you sister that both you and your daughter will be okay and that Allah (swt) will bless your efforts regarding wanting a righteous Islamic marriage. Allah (swt) is the Most Merciful.

Also, sister, please submit your question to our ’Ask the Scholar’ section or their upcoming live session to make sure you are, indeed, divorced (as your husband divorced you without your knowledge, which I am not sure it was even legal) and what your rights are in such situation.

You are in our prayers sister. Please let us know how you are doing.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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