In this counseling answer:
• Give yourself time to grieve. Don’t feel pressed to make decisions about marriage. Try not to make concrete promises to yourself about the future or never getting married.
• Seek comfort and refuge with Allah. Make duaa, do dhikr, spend time reading Quran and reflecting upon the comforts that are provided from within.
• Take things slow. Inform family members who are seeking to get you married that you are not ready. You have that right.
As Salamu Alaykum dear sister,
Thank you, sister, for your most important question. We are very sorry to hear about your fiancée who passed away recently. May Allah forgive him, have mercy and grant him Jannah.
Sister, in this life we never know what is going to happen. We can only trust in Allah and know that Allah knows best. While it may be heartbreaking, we must re-evaluate our faith in these situations and turn to Allah for comfort and guidance.
Grief & Loss
The loss of your fiancée is a truly a sad situation. You both had many wonderful plans, hopes and dreams for the future. I can imagine you are in a deep pain and loss as well as left with a lot of questions, some which you have inquired about here. Sister, it’s only been a few months since your fiancé passed away. It is normal and natural to still be feeling heart-wrenching pain. You are still grieving and that is natural.
There are five stages of grief and loss. They are: “1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance. People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them.
There are other models of the grieving process but they mostly outline similar senses of emotions. Everyone experiences grief differently. There are some patterns and stages, however, which share commonalities.
It appears from what you wrote that you may be in the stage of depression. You have already accepted that your fiancé has passed away. You probably experienced some anger regarding this incident. You have probably also prayed to Allah regarding your fiancé’s death and now you appear to be in a depression.
Moving through the stage of depression can be difficult. I would kindly suggest sister that insha’Allah you give yourself time to grieve. Don’t feel pressed to make decisions about marriage. Try not to make concrete promises to yourself about the future or never getting married.
I also kindly suggest that you journal daily and write down what you’re feeling. By doing this, it can help sort out your feelings, emotions as well as your progress in your healing journey. Day by day, you should see some growth and progress in how you are feeling. It may take some time, please don’t rush it.
Please, reflect upon your Journal weekly to see if you’ve made any progress in respect to writing about positive memories, hopeful plans for the future and a general decrease in depressive thoughts. Trust in the process and trust in Allah. I would kindly suggest insha’Allah that if your depression does become quite severe that you do seek out counseling to help you through this process.
Check out this counseling video:
Trust in Allah
Inshallah, as you move through the grieving process your feelings about the future will begin to strengthened and your heartbreak will be comforted. This is acceptance and with that, hope for the future.
I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you seek comfort and refuge with Allah. Make duaa, do dhikr, spend time reading Quran and reflecting upon the comforts that are provided from within. Allah is the best of healers. Try to spend time with other sisters for encouragement and uplifting. Attend Islamic events in your community as well as the Masjid for prayer and spiritually uplifting.
Sister, this life is filled with tests and trials. We never know for sure what is ahead of us. Thus, it is important to make every minute count, especially regarding our relationship with Allah. You stated that after this happened, you started to improve your relationship with Allah, as you know that “only He can understand your pain”. I encourage you to continue on this path for surely it is the right path with many blessings.
Striving for Jannah
I understand that your fiancé was the man you wanted for your life partner. I also understand at this time is very hard to even contemplate marrying somebody else. The person whom you feel was your life partner (husband to be) has passed away. It is this that was written, which you must accept. Whether or not you will be together in Jannah only Allah knows. We know that husbands and wives will be together in Jannah. It also states that Jennah is a place where everybody will be happy and everybody will have with “her” heart desires.
We see these illustrations here:
“First and foremost, those that were married will enter together. The scholars say that the first relationship that Allah created in the world was that of Adam and Eve.’ and “Ibn Kathir goes through these possibilities of what would happen in Jannah for people, he says for example that someone you loved in Dunya but you were unable to marry for some reason, you’ll be married to that person “.
Sister, Jannah is described in Qur’an and in authentic hadiths, yet we know very little about Jannah except that if admitted by Allah’s mercy we will have our heart’s content.
You may wish to write our section “Ask the Scholars” as I am not an Islamic scholar and perhaps they can be more helpful with this particular question. I can advise you, however, to remember that Allah is just and merciful and rewards his faithful servants.
The Healing Journey
Sister, please do continue on your healing journey. Take things slow. Inform family members who are seeking to get you married that you are not ready. You have that right. You cannot be forced to marry sister; it is your decision alone. When you are ready to marry, you will know.
In the same line of thinking, you asked about living a single life. Yes, people can remain single their whole lives and live successfully. Yes, you can reach Jannah if you are single. Jannah is not determined by whether we are married or not, many have died single (such as your fiancé). While we do not know who will be admitted only Allah knows, marriage is not a requirement to Jannah. However, living a single life is trying. It is a hard, lonely road.
The Qur’an is the best of guides for a successful life here on earth and it does state that marriage is of high importance. It is also important to choose the right spouse.
While you feel that your “right one” is now gone, Allah may have another one for you. I ask that insha’Allah once you have healed, you keep an open mind and trust in Allah. Insha’Allah gets involved with Islamic activities and get closer to Allah, your perspective may soon change.
We wish you the best.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.