Wa ‘Alaykum As-Salam Dear Sister,
I am are sorry to hear of your issue. I applaud you for your efforts yet, but I remind you not to be discouraged. Allah (swt) is with the patient among us.
From your message, it appears that you understand the urgency of this issue, and that indeed, it is an addiction. You are also aware of what our beloved Prophet (pbuh) recommended in the treatment of this addiction: fasting. This is according to what Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, “Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.” (Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari, nr. 5066). Remember that fasting is not only of the body, but equally of the mind and soul; constant remembrance of Allah (swt) and increasing your Islamic knowledge.
It is a difficult issue of youth ranging around your age, or unmarried young adults. With a rapidly growing body, hormones express themselves in various forms. Sexual desire itself is one of the many bounties Allah (swt) grants a person with, in that he or she may fulfill their duties in their marriage. Sexual desire should be perceived and accepted as a miracle of Allah, because it allows for us to reproduce. It is a healthy thing, but also required for human well-being. This is why Islam encourages us to marry early, simply because it is part of our human nature to have such desires. However, Allah (swt) laid down rules for us in how to deal with this so that it doesn’t take control of us, and so that we may not be part of the normalized perversity and fitna we see nowadays, some of which you mentioned already (…porn, looking at pictures of attractive men). This desire is best to be dealt with in a considerate and reflective way, and not through masturbation.
An addiction is challenging. It is best to remove yourself from situations, rather than the visual things you mentioned that could possibly tempt you, like being alone. Being alone makes you vulnerable as it sets a setting that allows for falling back into your addiction. Say it is an issue at night; consider ways in which you can spend your time at night differently, so that your thoughts won’t go astray. Perhaps if you have siblings, you could share their rooms more often. Otherwise consider doingTasbeeh, praying a rak’ah, or reciting Qur’an half an hour before bedtime.
Our beloved Prophet (pbuh) warns us for solitude at night. “The (lone) rider is a devil, two riders are two devils and three are a travelling party.” (Hasan Hadith al-Tirmidhi, nr. 1674) This hadith indicated that “…it is makrooh (detestable) to be alone in situations where a man fears for himself because of weakness, severe exhaustion or hardship, or when he fears that the Shaytaan may tempt him and mislead him. The benefit of being with righteous companions is not limited to help and support, rather the most important thing is that it helps him to remain steadfast and pious, for the Shaytaan is further away from two. “
Furthermore in discussing why you are addicted; you state that you become frustrated and stressed when you don’t, “…even for a day”. Is it not a better idea to focus on improving your response to problems rather than ‘resolving it’ through falling back into addiction? Feeding your addiction does not resolve frustration but only adds to the weight of a problem, which in time will only make you feel worse.
I encourage you to exercise your patience and reflect on your own behavior; when you do it and how you could spend your time differently.
“Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience.” (Hadith Sahih al-Bukhari, nr. 1469)
May Allah help you,
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