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How to Help My Husband Out of Porn Addiction?

Questioner

E

Reply Date

Sep 22, 2017

Question

As-Salamu 'Alaikum. I just married a couple of month ago, but we're together for a few weeks only. Recently, I caught my husband looking for forbidden pictures (porn), and when I confronted him, he looked upset. He says there are things that wife does not need to know - it's husband business.Second time I caught him I just pretended I hadn't seen it because I knew he would feel I was offending him. I don't know what to do. He is a good husband, a reverted Muslim who is trying to practise his religion; he prays regularly and fasts. It looks like he has an addiction. He is quiet mature; he's above 40. I don't know what to do. I pray for this marriage (my second one), but I don't have faith for it. Please advise me what to do. I feel heartbroken.

Counselor

Answer


How to Help My Husband Out of Porn Addiction?

Part 2

Answer:

As-Salamu ‘Alaikum,

Thank you sister for your question.  The issue of pornography is a huge problem even among Muslims. According to Chris Hedges, in his book “Empire of Illusion”, around 40 million Americans are regular consumers of pornography. One reason that they are regular users is that often people who consume porn are addicted to it.

As you mentioned also, chances are your husband was consuming before he met you and probably even before he converted to Islam. It’s a really difficult habit to break, one reason being that it is so easily accessed due to the internet.

Confrontation

At some point, sister, I think you have to confront your husband about it. He needs to know how you feel and how concerned you are about your marriage. In sha’ Allah, your honesty and concern will help him and give him the strength to leave this ugly habit. Especially if he is addicted, in sha’ Allah seeing how much it affects you and your marriage might give him the strength to leave it.

You are One Team

Also, it is always better to try and face these challenges as a team. In that regard, you should do all you can to help him and support him in trying to overcome this addiction. Offer your help and your support to overcome it together. To do any of this, though, you need to talk openly and honestly with him about it.

The Weapon of Du`aa’

Also, make sure that you are constantly making du’aa’ for Allah to help your husband leave this behavior and strengthen your marriage. Try to perform tahajjud prayer regularly. All help and success is from Allah alone.

Try not to be too distraught. Every marriage has challenges which Allah sends us to make us stronger and more reliant on Him. If we respond wisely, we can use these challenges to strengthen our bonds with Allah as well as with our spouses. Think of yourselves as a team determined to face whatever comes your way together.

Educate Yourself about Addiction

There are many resources out there for people who have this type of addiction. This site alone has many articles on the issue. Please try to educate yourself about it, and with this knowledge you may be better positioned to help your husband. Please feel free and write us again if you have any follow-up questions.

Counseling and Therapy Needed

Due to the nature of the addiction, it may seem strange because others may feel that there is nothing more to it than will power. However, there is much research done on the brain changes during the time when an addict views pornography and has likened these brain changes to those addicted to more hard core drugs.

The point is that pornography addiction can be a very real thing. As you probably know, it can also cause very real damage to the family. I would strongly suggest that the two of you seek out counseling. There are specialized addictions therapists that can help develop a plan and discuss the various support mechanisms that you will need during the process.

I can tell you that it won’t be an easy journey, but I pray that once your husband is successful, the results will be worth it.

I wish you my very best.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

 




About Hwaa Irfan

Late Hwaa Irfan, may her soul rest in peace, served as consultant, counselor and freelance writer. Her main focus was on traditional healing mechanisms as practiced in various communities, as opposed to Western healing mechanisms.

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