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A Battlefield Called Drug Addiction

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

May 21, 2017

Question

My husband has been a drug addict for five years and this is ruining everything. I never knew this before we got married. I have tried so many times to help him personally and medically but have not succeeded. He has been to a doctor who gave him medicine, but my husband said it did not help. We always argue over money and bills, at one point we even separated because of this problem, and now it has got to a point that I can't take it anymore. I really want to help him but he just doesn't make the effort. I don't know what to do, it causes me too much pain, we also have a two-year-old son. I have been so ill and depressed because of this, and I am not well enough to look after my own son. Most of the time I don't have money even for food. My husband is a loving and caring person, he has admitted that he has this problem but finding it difficult to get rid of. Please, could you kindly advise what to do?

Counselor

Answer


A Battlefield Called Drug Addiction

Answer:

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum,

I can understand when you say that you are upset and confused because of the situation of your husband with drug abuse. However, your state of being depressed and ill doesn’t help your husband and definitely not yourself. So, you have but two options.

Either give up on your husband, whom you seem to love or help him. Fighting with your husband (against him) over his addiction doesn’t help him much. You should rather fight with your husband against addiction. In other words, you should fight for your husband. Fighting because of his addiction and financial matters is putting him in a very stressful situation that (according to an addict) would be only relieved by further drug abuse. So, both of you seem to have entered a vicious circle that is hard to break. I am by no means trying to blame you for the situation you are in, rather as mentioned above, I can totally understand your emotional state.

But you have to know that children (and adults) if they want to attract their loved ones’ attention, they sometimes do things that would annoy them to attract their attention either by making fights with them, as in your case or by being hit, in the case of little children. This has made their loved ones pay attention to them (in a negative way though) rather than ignoring them (as in your case ignoring him is not talking to him). So even by fighting with him, he thinks that he has managed to attract your attention.

Now, let’s decide what you might try to do. Even if difficult, try to stand by your husband by being the loving and caring wife on a constant level even when he resorts to drinking. In doing this, you will break the cycle of him wanting to attract your attention.

I must say that it is very positive for him to recognize that he has a problem; because the situation is sometimes much worse if they deny that they have a problem at all. The first step in any treatment is that the patient realizes that there is a problem and that he wants to find the cure. Al hamdulellah, at least you don’t have this problem. Medication and psychotherapy will then be more effective if you stand by your husband and start fighting for him, not with him. I know it is easier said than done, but your obligation as a wife and your love to your husband will help you maintain this constant level of caregiving and loving.

As for your son, I am sure he will be very proud of his mother when he later knows how much you fought for his father and supported him in times of agony.

I hope this helps,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




About Hwaa Irfan

Late Hwaa Irfan, may her soul rest in peace, served as consultant, counselor and freelance writer. Her main focus was on traditional healing mechanisms as practiced in various communities, as opposed to Western healing mechanisms.

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