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A Divorcée: Can I Still Have Hope to Remarry?

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A

Reply Date

Jul 14, 2018

Question

Salam. I’m 32 years old divorced woman with a kid. I want to get married again. I like someone and he also likes me, but he knows his family will never agree to marry me. Is it a sin to marry a divorcee? I have all the qualities to be the best selection; I’m pretty, loving and caring, as people say about me. I always try to follow Islam. Can I still have hope?

Counselor

Answer


A Divorcée: Can I Still Have Hope to Remarry?


In this counseling answer:

As the population of Muslims is vast from different countries and ethnicities as well as schools of thoughts regarding marriageable women (meaning a lot of Muslim men marry for piety, not previous marital status) your chances of getting married are very good! You just have to find those who follow the Qur’an and the Prophet Mohammad’s (PBUH) example and teachings regarding marriage.


As-Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,

While I am not an Islamic scholar, it is not a sin to marry a divorced woman. The stigma is a culturally embedded one and not of Islam. It is not stated anywhere in the Islamic sources that a divorcée with children cannot marry a man who has never been married. In fact, we have lots of precedents for it. The Prophet (saw) himself was married to Khadijah, who had children from her previous marriage, and he himself was never married before. So, as you see dear sister, even our beloved Prophet (PBUH) married a divorcée with children! That leads me to critically question cultural practices which chastise a woman who has been married previously. A man is supposed to seek a pious partner who has the qualities to be a good wife. Sadly, there are many cultural traditions which are intermingled with Islam, and this is wrong.

If the man you care for does not have the ability to stand up for what is Islamically right regarding marriage to you, then perhaps sister he is not for you. This is not a reflection upon you, but upon him and the culture, he lives in. Sometimes, the pressure from these false beliefs can be so strongly embedded that if one dares to go against them, they are ostracized from their community and even family.

It is a sad situation in our Ummah, and I pray these practices/traditions are eradicated as there are many pious, wonderful Muslim sisters, such as yourself, who are passed over due to being previously married. The ironic part of this is that many of these same families, who insist on never-married virgins for their sons, often sweep under the rug illicit affairs their sons may have had or dismissed the fact that he may be a divorcée as well, yet expect their sons to marry virgins/non-divorcées. I am not saying this is the case with your intended, but it does happen as often a double standard exists.

If this relationship does not work out dear sister, I urge you not to take it personally in sha’ Allah as it is a cultural construct which is often difficult to surpass. I urge you to make du’aa’ to Allah (SWT) for the RIGHT man to come along. Allah (SWT) knows best, and we must rust in Him for all of our affairs.

As the population of Muslims is vast from different countries and ethnicities as well as schools of thoughts regarding marriageable women (meaning a lot of Muslim men marry for piety, not previous marital status) your chances of getting married are very good! You just have to find those who follow the Qur’an and the Prophet Mohammad’s (PBUH) example and teachings regarding marriage.

We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers.

***

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Read more:

How to Rebuild My Life After Divorce?

Divorce and Children: The Difficult Question

Second Wife: He Divorced Me Out of Fear




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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