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My Teen Daughter Took off Her Hijab!

Questioner

H

Reply Date

Apr 17, 2019

Question

I need your advice, my daughter is 18 year-old. The problem started last Ramadan, I noticed that she doesn't fast, when I asked her she said she was unable to fast,and she was feeling sick all the time, then she stopped praying. Now I’m shocked with her decision to take off her hijab. Please help me what to do?

Counselor

Answer


Daughter

In this counseling answer:

•I would kindly suggest taking her out for lunch somewhere nice and quiet insha’Allah, and casually bring up the subject of Ramadan. When you talk with her, try not to be judgmental, it will only push her away further.

•Inquire if she has had a change of heart regarding Islam and her faith. This may open up further communication as to any struggles she may be going through, problems she may be having at school or work, or situations she has gotten herself into.

•Whatever the case may be, insha’Allah remain the person in her life that she can trust and confide in without fear of judgment or rebuttal.


As-salamu alaykum,

I am sorry to hear your daughter has strayed from the Islamic path, however, it is not uncommon at this age. While many young adults sail through the teens years into young adulthood, some go through an identity crisis and break from who they are and what they believe in to experiment.

She may be basically just trying out a new idea she has seen or heard about, or maybe trying to fit in at school or elsewhere.

On the other hand, it could be an issue of a more serious nature. As she stated she was sick during Ramadan, I would further question this (even though it has passed) just to find out more about her reasoning. I would kindly suggest that you see who her friends are if she is involved with any boy as well as if she has had any trauma in her life recently.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

When you talk with her, do assure her of your love and concern, and create an open communication wherein she feels safe to tell you anything-even though you may not agree or it shocks you, please do remain an open vessel for her insha’Allah. This may take time.


Check out this counseling answer:


As far as her hijab, you cannot force her, so I would not be demanding on that issue-her taking off her hijab is only a symptom of something bigger going on and to find out the root cause, you want to draw her near, not push her away.

I would kindly suggest taking her out for lunch somewhere nice and quiet insha’Allah, and causally bring up the subject of Ramadan. When you talk with her, try not to be judgmental, it will only push her away further. Inquire if she has had a change of heart regarding Islam ad her faith.

This may open up further communication as to any struggles she may be going through, problems she may be having at school or work, or situations she has gotten herself into. She may have done something for which she feels unworthy of being Muslim, not fully understanding Allah SWT’s forgiveness and love as well as yours.

It may take time to get to the reasons behind her change, or she may revert back to her regular self in time. Whatever the case may be, insha’Allah remain the person in her life that she can trust and confide in without fear of judgement or rebuttal. She just may need that right now to help her get back on the right path. You and your daughter are in our prayers.

Salam

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

My Daughter Is Shy of Wearing Hijab

So Young for Wearing Hijab, I Want to Take it Off!




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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