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Sexually Abused as a Child, I Can’t Get Over It!

Questioner

K

Reply Date

Jun 10, 2018

Question

As-salamu alaykum,

I have been sexually abused while I was a child around 7 many times by our house guard. My parents know about the situation but rather than take in him to justice, they fired him from our house and gave him another job. For that, I really hate my parents for doing that. The worst thing happened to me when I was around 20 I was raped again. I didn't forgive the peoples who raped me and will not forgive them.

Now, I am 26 years old didn't get married but eagerly wants to get married, but my problem is I don't trust anybody and still I feel the pain. Sometimes, I think of killing myself because the pain I feel is hard to survive. I always say to myself Allah doesn't love me so why did bring me to this world? I always cry before going to bed and make dua`a' that to forget what happened to me and live a happy life, but my prayers didn't get replay yet. So please tell me what to do?

Counselor

Answer


Child abuse, Sexually abused

In this counseling answer:

“I would kindly suggest that you get counseling for the past abuse so you can move on with your life. A good therapist can help you through the healing process as well as possibly link you with support groups for survivors of child abuse/rape. These groups can provide insight into successful recovery stories from others as well as teach you coping skills which also aid in healing.”


As salamu alaykum,

I am so sorry to hear if the abuse you had to endure as a child, as well as the rape you experienced at 20 years old. Your parents should have taken different measures with the abuser, but sadly they didn’t and we cannot change the past.

We can only move forward with the future. While you did not mention the outcome of those who raped you when you were 20, insha’Allah they were held accountable and were punished. I believe in my heart that Allah SWT has a special place in hell for people who rape, and those who abuse children. Allah knows best alhumdulillah.

At this point in your life, you desire marriage, yet you cannot trust, and with good reason. Often times, children who are abused sexually and/or physically and women (and men) who have been raped can develop PTSD and other mental illness due to the trauma they sadly went through.


Check out this counseling answer:


I would kindly suggest that you get counseling for the past abuse so you can move on with your life. A good therapist can help you through the healing process as well as possibly link you with support groups for survivors of child abuse/rape. These groups can provide insight into successful recovery stories from others as well as teach you coping skills which also aid in healing.

 

Allah loves you. Always know that. In this life, we often go through horrid terrible things, but Allah does love us. What happened to you is not a punishment from Allah, but a sad reflection of the state of some evil humans.

Please do not let these experiences pull you away from Allah or yourself. You are a wonderful person whom I am confident will overcome the horrors you have been through.

You just have to take the first step by getting help from a therapist. Once you begin therapy, you will begin to heal insha’Allah, and you can begin to plan your life and goals with a more freer, happier state of mind.

I kindly ask you to find someone you are close to and make a contract that you will not harm yourself. Suicide is not the answer. As you know not only is it a sin but by ending your life, you are doubting Allah’s blessings of a better life ahead as well as letting your tormentors win.

You are stronger than that. I know the pain is unbearable, but during these times, remind yourself that the pain will not last, seek refuge in Allah SWT. Recite Qur’an and do dhzikr.

These acts of worship are healing in themselves. Do charity work, help others who are in pain, such as Syrian refugee’s, homeless people and others who are less fortunate than us.

Helping others always uplifts our spirits and acts as a healing mechanism as well. Please do insha’Allah get counseling as soon as possible so you can leave this nightmare and begin your journey into a renewed and happier life. You can do it, I believe in you, you
need to believe in yourself as well.

You are in our prayers, please let us know how you are doing.

Salam

***

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Read more:

Horrendous Flashbacks: Was I Sexually Abused?

My Fiancée Was Sexually Abused: Shall I Marry Her?

Abused, But Family Reputation is More Important




About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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