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Sex Education: A Part of Parenting?

Questioner

M (16-male-UK)

Reply Date

Dec 07, 2017

Question

As-salamu `alaykum. In fact, I am not a father and not a mother. I am a child and I have a question. Should parents teach their children about sex or not? I mean, I am now nearly 16, and I don’t dare mention that I like a girl, for example, in front of my parents, because they don’t ever speak with me about love, sex, or these topics. All the information I get about theses topics are from my friends. So, are my parents correct not teaching me these topics or should they teach me about such things? If yes, at what age should they do this? What should they teach me about these topics?

Counselor

Answer


sex

In this counseling answer:

“I suggest that you take the initiative in building some bridges of friendliness with your parents regarding such topics, using humor and hinting that you would like to discuss these things with them. Maybe you could even tell them about your friends’ speaking about such topics with their parents. Maybe you could talk to a family friend or relative about your needs, indirectly if you like, so that they can draw your parents’ attention to it.”


As-salamu `alaykum, dear son.

Your family must be very proud to have you as their son. It is clear that you are a young man trying to handle your life the way Allah Most High loves. It is wonderful to see young men like you, living in the West, with all its daily challenges, choosing the path of Allah. In a hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), he said that a young man who has grown older obeying Allah will be in the shadow of Allah’s throne on the Day of Judgment, and only those in the shadow will be safe and well.

No doubt, dear young man, that your parents and your upbringing have helped you make such a choice. Maybe it is your parents’ advice and concern over you; maybe it is their telling you stories of obeying Allah; maybe it is their insistence on having you hang out with the right friends, or go to the right places; or maybe it is their prayers for you—their constant daily du`aa’s (supplications)—that have made you a young man that Allah will be pleased with.

Parents, my dear young man, try very hard to bring benefit to their children. Sometimes they succeed, other times they don’t. But in both cases, they try using all they know, which at times may be limited. What I am trying to tell you is that if your parents don’t speak to you about topics you are curious about, and which is very natural and to be expected at your age, please try not to be upset with them—hard as it may be. Many parents have grown up in cultures where they are not used to discussing such topics with others, let alone their own children, and find it very embarrassing.

I suggest that you take the initiative in building some bridges of friendliness with your parents regarding such topics, using humor and hinting that you would like to discuss these things with them. Maybe you could even tell them about your friends’ speaking about such topics with their parents. Maybe you could talk to a family friend or relative about your needs, indirectly if you like, so that they can draw your parents’ attention to it.

These are my suggestions to you. If these suggestions don’t work and your parents’ don’t get the message or still seem too embarrassed, resort to scientific books for the information you need. Make sure you are very selective, possibly in the library in your area, addressed to children. Do not read too many books, as the information you need is the same and further reading can do more harm than good.

I wish you all the best, son. May Allah bless you and your family.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

How to Talk About Sex and Menstruation with Kids?

Masturbation or Premarital Sex: Which Is Worse?

Talking to My Daughter About Sex and Menstruation!




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