First, we commend you for having such high standards for your children. Many parents do not take the time to plan for their children’s socialization. Ma sha’ Allah, you seem to be a concerned parent who is doing his best to raise his children to be upright Muslims and to achieve the highest results in their education.
Second, while we commend you for your high standards, we want to caution you about setting the standards so high and so unachievable that you could be setting up your children for failure. It is natural for each child to have a different personality and a different outlook on life.
While you might expect the best out of all of your children, do not assume that the children themselves do not also want what is best for them. They do. However, sometimes children find it difficult to see the larger picture and they are unable to see how the grades they receive in English or in mathematics will have an impact on their future goals. Children also are unable to connect their individual performance in a particular class with the concept of honoring or dishonoring the family.
Third, your son neither sounds as though he has a psychological problem nor does he sound lazy based on what you have written to us. He sounds like a typical teenager, doing his best to navigate these challenging years of growth and change.
Having also moved to a new country, he unlike the other three children might need more time to adjust. Between his adolescent growing pains and the burden of adjusting to a new land, you should be proud and honored that your son received a B+. With your encouragement and some additional studying, in sha’ Allah, he could get an A grade.
However, if you insist on calling him lazy, telling him that he dishonored the family and keep treating him as though he has some massive psychological or physical problems, the boy could become vulnerable to developing low self-esteem. What he needs from you is love, nurturing, and consistent encouragement for him to improve.
Finally, we had to re-read your question several times to understand why you are ready to “kick him out of the home” based on the problems you have described. Frankly, we are unable to see the connection. We are unable to grasp why you believe forcing your son to do his chores plus the chores of his brothers and sisters will help him to improve. Neither do we understand how making him do the math for 4 hours every night will make him like math anymore or improve in it. And we definitely are unable to endorse any notion of kicking your son out of your home.
Please review what we have suggested here and, in sha’ Allah, make du`aa’ to Allah to strengthen the relationship between you and your son.
And Allah knows best.
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