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My Parents Are Fighting All the Time, What Should I Do?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 16, 2018

Question

For as long as I can remember, my parents have been fighting. This has happened at a minimum of once a month and most of the time it gets out of hand and my father threatens my mother with a divorce. He hasn't actually given one yet but I'm not sure if he won't. My mother has done the absolute most for our family and she supports my father in every way but when it comes to his family and her family, the arguments get out of control. My father's mother was quite verbally abusive towards my mother and his sister was slightly similar in this way.

However, my father's mother now has passed away and so has his father. His sister lives in another country and this was all around 8-9 years ago. Currently, my father doesn't like my mother's family one bit and always takes the argument towards her family even when the subject is completely different. He always verbally abuses her on the fact she does not pray and says Allah has given him rights to ask about this. Although he is right, he abuses these rights and takes advantage.

I honestly admit that my mother there does not pray all the time but she does try. Most of the time she is too tired and she does have arthritis. But the thing about my mother is that she can not keep her mouth shut and always answers back which enlarges the fight. I am writing this currently as my parents have just had a fight. I am desperate for any dua that you can give me or any other way to help my parents as it is destroying my life. I am not doing well on school and it is difficult to think of anything else apart from my parents.

I have asked Allah for forgiveness and mercy for both of them and to create peace in our household but so far my dua has been in vain. Please make dua for us and I will accept and advice with open hands. Jazakallah

Counselor

Answer


Parents

In this counseling answer:

The counselor advises the questioner to never give up for du’a, and give himself some space to think of something other than your parents. Do something that enjoys, and advised him to consider asking his local imam about the situation so that he could support him and mutually intervene in supporting his parents through their difficulties.


As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh brother,

May Allah reward your concern for your parents are your persistence in making du’a to see them out of their difficulties. It is unfortunate that as their child you are also suffering as much as they are for the problems that are between them and it is even effecting your schooling.

Firstly, my advice is to never give up on your du’a. Continue asking Allah to guide them. Allah is hearing everything and will answer your prayer in the most perfect way when the time is right. You just need to have complete faith that Allah will do this. Once you have this firm faith you will find you distress eased to some extent in the confidence that Allah will rescue them.

However, in the mean time, this does not take away the fact that it is very distressing for you to be seeing every day. It is important that you do what you can to take care of yourself. Give yourself some space to think of something other than your parents. Do something that enjoys.

If there are any clubs at school that you can join then in would encourage you to do so. This will provide you with a positive distraction from your parents’ behaviour as well as the chance to do something motivating with yourself.


Check out this counseling video


Having this little bit of positivity in your life will support you psychologically in dealing with the difficulties you face at home.

At 13 there is little you can do directly to help your parents (except to continue with your du’a and show them both your love towards them), but you might consider asking your local imam about the situation so that he could support you and mutually intervene in supporting your parents through their difficulties.

It is a challenge for you as much as it is for them and Allah will reward you for remaining steadfast during this time and will bring ease to you.

May Allah reward you and bring you ease during these testing times. May He put love between your parents and make them the coolness of each other’s eyes and you of theirs.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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