Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Once you have spent let’s say a week documenting your feelings, try to reflect back on what you have written.
In what instances do you feel most stingy?
Is it when you deal with material things such as food, toys, games, etc? If it is material things, could you do without as much as you have?
Would you be any less happy if you shared a part of what you have? Or how about less tangible things such as time, talent or energy? Are you really not able to spare any time or your talent or your energy to help a friend or your mother?”
As-salamu `Alaikum,
How beautiful indeed that at such a young age you are already engaging in the Islamic tradition of seeking advice about a specific issue. We want to re-assure you that whatever you think of yourself today, as being stingy and selfish, can be insha’ Allahchanged if you really work hard on it and make du’aa’ to Allah to help you change.
We also want to tell you at the outset that you should remind your mother and your friends that calling you stingy only hurts you and does not really help you in changing yourself. Be polite in reminding them of this and do not forget to, so that you are not stuck dealing with being called those names in sha’ Allah!
You feel that you are stingy and selfish, but you do not tell us what is it about your behavior and outlook that makes you feel this way. A few general guidelines might help you come to terms with this issue of stinginess and selfishness.
Firstly, begin by making a personal journal about your own behaviors. Every time you are dealing with someone and you get the feeling that you are being stingy or selfish, remind yourself to make a note in this journal. Keep track of what kind of issues, material items etc you are most likely to feel stingy or selfish about. Is it money? Is it games? Toys? Food? Or is it a matter of giving up some of your time or energy or talent to help another person?
Secondly, once you have spent let’s say a week documenting your feelings, try to reflect back on what you have written. In what instances do you feel most stingy? Is it when you deal with material things such as food, toys, games, etc? If it is material things, could you do without as much as you have? Would you be any less happy if you shared a part of what you have? Or how about less tangible things such as time, talent or energy? Are you really not able to spare any time or your talent or your energy to help a friend or your mother?
Depending on what you find out about yourself, you can then go about trying to catch yourself and correct your behavior whenever you feel stingy or selfish.
Remember, our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, reminded us to want for our brother what we would want for ourselves. You should write this reminder on the top of every page of your journal so that you are guided by that beautiful thought in sha’ Allah. Make du’aa’ to Allah to rid you of your stinginess and selfishness.
From Counselor Hwaa Irfan
Selfishness is the opposite of true (unconditional love) and is seen as the single most ingredient to turn heaven into hell, so do be in such a hurry to claim selfishness; but neither be in a state of denial that you are not.
This is love for the sake of Allah is so emphasized in Islam, because to love another life-form for the sake of Allah is to love all life forms because in the process of loving for the sake of Allah, there is true God-Consciousness, taqwa, and unity of all creation in the Creator.
When we can learn to love others to that extent, then much of the selfishness we have and see shaping our world, will fall to harmony.
And Allah Most High knows best.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.