I'm Losing My Mind Because of My Mom, Please Help! | About Islam
Home > Ask About Parenting > Young Hearts & Minds > I’m Losing My Mind Because of My Mom, Please Help!

I’m Losing My Mind Because of My Mom, Please Help!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 17, 2018

Question

Salam Alikom wa rahmatoh Allah wa barkatoh. What is the right way to handle parents in Islam especially my mother who is so tough, harsh, gets angry very easily, shouts and screams at my face almost every single day for trivial things, very controlling, very judging, always thinks she is one who is right? I've been facing this very unhealthy relationship with my parents since I was a very young kid especially my mother.

I've been going through so much emotional abuse because of them. My mother in her anger period ( For trivial reasons ) would hurt me so much with her words, she would make Du'a against me. For example: May this car crush you, or may Allah gives you paralysis, she would keep shouting, cursing me, and screaming at my face. They would force me to do things, wear things, just because they want the people outside to say: Oh, how religious your daughter are! My parents are very religious, but because of their actions, and the way they explain Allah's deen to me, they make it very complicated to me.

There were periods in my life where I disliked deen because of them, because of their way. Have never felt love, mercy or respect from them, only when I'm sick. They always belittle me, curse me. If I made a wrong for example, like a wrong I wasn't aware of it, they would make my life a piece of hell.

I'm so damaged from inside, and I don't know what to do anymore. There was a time when I wanted to end my life because of them, I know it's Haram, but this time I was about to lose my brain, couldn't handle it anymore. I wish if I can love them as Allah requested us to do, but how can I love someone who has been hurting me and causing me damage much since I was a kid till now? Please advice me, and help me. Jazak Allah Khairan.

Counselor

Answer


mom

In this counseling answer:

“Allah does make it clear that we should love and respect our parents, but understandable in the questioner situation, she find this difficult when they have caused so much damage. Though, the counselor advises the questioner to increase her connection with Islam by making sure to continue practicing daily as well as connection to the Qur’an and Deen; as having a strong social network can be vital in overcoming the psychological impact of the abuse she has faced. ”


Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

This is a very distressing situation for you to be and it is completely understated why you feel like you are losing your mind. What you describe could actually be classed as abuse, especially since it is having such a profound effect on your daily life, to the point that you even felt like leaving Islam and even ending your life at some point. Abuse does not have to be physical, verbal attacks that belittle you is also abuse.

As you say,  Allah does make it clear that we should love and respect our parents, but understandable in your situation, you find this difficult when they have caused so much damage. The words that they have used towards you and the du’as they have made against you are completely unIslamic.


Check out this counseling video


This is not the actions of someone who is striving to please Allah so please also understand that none of this is your fault, but the sin is on them in this case. As you have the responsibility to respect them, they also have responsibilities to be good to you as their child also and they will be accountable for their actions towards you. Given their behaviour, it will naturally be difficult to love and respect them in the way you feel you should, but what you can do is make sincere du’a for them. Ask Allah to guide them and to soften their hearts.

There are a couple of things you can try to do to ease your situation. Given that you said at least some point you considered leaving Islam, it would be encouraged to increase your connection with Islam by making sure to continue practicing daily as well as connection to the Qur’an and Deen by perhaps join a class of other sisters in learning Qur’an or about various aspects of Islam.

This will not only give you a chance to learn more and get closer to Allah which will bring you comfort alone, but it will also be a chance to mix with other sisters too. When going through difficult times as you are, having a strong social network can be vital in overcoming the psychological impact of the abuse you have faced.

In addition to Islamic or Qur’an classes do also ensure to keep busy with a hobby. If you have one already then you could join a group with others who have the same interest or even try something new. This will again support you in establishing a strong social network, but it will also give you a positive sense of achievement as you do something fun and positive.

It is also recommended that perhaps you take some time away from your parents and limit contact during this time. This will give you a chance to be free from the abuse for a time and have the chance to relax without worrying about the negative words you will face from them.

It will also give them the space to miss you and perhaps reflect on their behaviour towards you and appreciate you more as they miss your presence. As their child, you are an easy target for them because they know they can take all their anger and frustration out on you and as their daughter you will live them back unconditionally. If you take time away from them then they will have to learn alternative ways to deal with their frustrations.

 

May Allah guide your parents and soften their hearts and may He bring you comfort in His remembrance.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

Read more:

My Mom is Depressed & Makes Me Depressed Too

My Mom Doesn’t Love Me, Help!

 

 




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

Add Comment


find out more!