In this counseling answer:

“I think if I were in your position, I would contact the police and speak to someone who deals in family problems and traumas, who would visit your home and inform this girl that they know all about her, that her behavior is criminal, and that it will only get worse and not better if she is not brought up sharp. If she has only stolen from her parents and not others, it is still criminal, and it is only the kindness of your hearts and your natural distress that have prevented you from having her charged and dealt with already. That must seem a horrendous thing for you to consider, but I am afraid you must consider something drastic.”

As-salamu `alykum wa rahmatullah.

Dear brother, I am so sorry that your family has got itself into such a predicament with your 14-year-old daughter. With so many young girls, you have enough to worry about without all this. You have told me not only that this girl steals, but she is also spitting at and abusing her parents, caring nothing of their hurt and distress, damaging them, and so on. I am afraid that you are now facing a very serious decision in your life—you cannot let her go on like this, it is ridiculous.

It is obvious that she does not care about you or her behavior, and that may quite possibly have sinister causes. What does she need all this money for anyway? I have a huge suspicion that she may already be involved with people on the borders of criminal activity, if not actually highly involved.

She obviously knows that she is “getting away with murder,” and is really taking you parents for fools. Whatever you are doing to try to stop her is not working, and so she is not even feeling any boundaries. I’m afraid when things have reached this level, you really have to get in help from outside sources.

I think if I were in your position, I would contact the police and speak to someone who deals in family problems and traumas, who would visit your home and inform this girl that they know all about her, that her behavior is criminal, and that it will only get worse and not better if she is not brought up sharp. If she has only stolen from her parents and not others, it is still criminal, and it is only the kindness of your hearts and your natural distress that have prevented you from having her charged and dealt with already. That must seem a horrendous thing for you to consider, but I am afraid you must consider something drastic.

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Once a person steals, they tend to become thieves for the rest of their lives. It is a bit like smoking in a way—people grow up to be either smokers or nonsmokers, do you see what I mean? The vast majority of people would not dream of stealing at all, and only a few would do it if seriously tempted. Your daughter’s behavior is an enormous test for you and your family.

You know the Islamic teaching on theft, obviously, and possibly how she would be treated and despised if you were living in Afghanistan. Thieves are always despised. She may be getting away with things now if she is a sweet-looking 14-year-old, but that won’t last long. The deceit, etc. will soon be etched in her face, and any softness left in her will harden up. She MUST be brought up sharp to realize the consequences of what she is doing.

It may be that you have been soft with her, gentle talking, and have been helpless to stop her; the moment she expands her activities to steal from others, they will not take this soft line at all, and her downward path will accelerate.

You must look into WHY she is doing this. Has she started up with people who take drugs? I would take the thought very seriously.

At the end of the day, she will either see how stupid she is being and come round and improve herself, or she will not and you will have to face up to all the consequences of having a daughter who steals. It will be extremely hard for you. It definitely sounds to me as if she should be on probation right now, and perhaps getting some help from some sort of counselor.

I am so sorry I cannot be more help. You are most certainly in my prayers. Allah bless you, wa salam

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