My wife and I have decided to become Muslims. The problem is that my son refuses to take part or even just accept that his parents are Muslims. He is a devout Roman Catholic. We were once all Catholics in our home. However, I have witnessed as well as others in influential circles that the Catholic Church here in Rome is not as it appears to be.
Honestly, the corruption in the Vatican is so extreme, but I cannot discuss this here. I don't want my son to pray for the pope or visit him anymore. In fact, we are moving out of this place as soon as possible, however, we cannot move for at least two years. It is just not possible by any means until then.
I, my wife, and our friends have already tried to talk to my son, but in no vain, as he refuses to listen at all. In fact, he has written to the pope, has visited the Vatican since then, and has tried to get us shunned by the citizens and use the Church to put pressure on us. This has been going on for at least six months and he is becoming more aggressive in his campaign to either convert us back or destroy us.
I am very serious. We are patient and intelligent people. We know we have to show the good example and give him space at the same time as he has been Catholic for many years. We also understand that religion is not by compulsion. We also see that kids in his age are basically just hard to deal with in general. My other kids have converted to Islam, even the younger ones, because of the logic and obvious superiority of Islam.
However, we have no favorites and we can only hope it is Allah's will that the truth will be shown to him. Normally, we don't seek advice from websites. However, in this case, we are really pressed for help because our son could potentially put our lives at risk. I know that may sound very ridiculous or confusing to you or others. You really have no idea. I just need help on how we can deal with this teenager who is determined to stop us from following our faith or living in peace.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Explain to him that you understand that he may be upset and that you do not intend to tell him what to do. But, you and the rest of the family have done what you feel is right for you and your connection to God. Tell him if he is against this then pray to God for all of you to be guided and for him to be guided as well. But he must try to understand that his actions can potentially put your lives and that of his brothers and sisters in danger. Ask him at the very least to give you all a chance, and you will give him his space”
As-salam `Alaikum,
Indeed, you are in a difficult position, and I understand that your lives can be in danger from those who may want to “teach you a lesson” or to preserve the “integrity” of their image.
May Allah bless and keep you all within His divine protection. Remember that Allah is the One Who guided you to this path.
He blessed you and put you on this path, even though you were in the middle of a situation that could have easily obscured your vision.
Yet, He, Most High, illuminated your minds and hearts with His divine mercy and opened up doors for you. In the same way, do not despair that Allah Most High will be able to protect and guide you through the next stage of your journey.
Always remember that Allah is in full control and well aware of your sacrifices for His sake.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told us in a hadith that if the whole world was to gather to do some good for you and it was not willed by Allah, it would not happen. And if the whole world was to gather to do some harm to you and it was not willed by Allah, it also would not happen.
Remember as well that you and your family are similar in situation to the Sahabas(Companions of the Prophet) who were the first to accept Islam.
Their lives too were endangered because they professed in the oneness of Allah. But they stayed firm in their belief and never wavered, despite of all that was meted out to them. In so doing, they were the best of people ever to bless the face of this earth.
Allah is also giving you that opportunity to strengthen your relationship with Him and gain Jannah (Paradise). Continue reflecting each night on the last three verses of Surat Al- Baqarah (chapter 2 of the Qur’an) and remember to seek help with “patient perseverance and prayer” as mentioned in the last verse of Surat Aal `Imran (chapter 3).
Regarding your son, you are right in acknowledging that he needs to be able to process what has just happened. He was Catholic all his life and now all of a sudden his entire family has become Muslim.
He must be confused, worried, angry, and unsure about everything. He will naturally look to those things that have given him stability, the things that he knew and understood to be a foundation in his life. So, be patient in terms of his reaction with you all at home.
This being said, there is the issue of him potentially endangering you and your children. Because of the dangerous nature of your situation, I think there are a few things that you should be doing:
1. Try not to pray or be doing too much in front of your son at home. This will only infuriate him and possibly encourage him to keep trying to get people put pressure on you and your children. I am not saying to hide, but simply minimize what can be minimized in front of him.
2. I am sure you have tried already, but if he is/was closer to one of you, maybe that person can spend some time talking to him.
Explain to him that you understand that he may be upset and that you do not intend to tell him what to do. But, you and the rest of the family have done what you feel is right for you and your connection to God.
Tell him if he is against this then pray to God for all of you to be guided and for him to be guided as well. But he must try to understand that his actions can potentially put your lives and that of his brothers and sisters in danger.
Ask him at the very least to give you all a chance, and you will give him his space. While you have reservations about things, tell him that you want him to learn and see for himself.
Let him understand that you love him and you know his reaction is because he loves you as well, BUT remind him of how Jesus dealt with those who were against him – with love, NOT fear or hostility.
3. He may be connecting your embracing Islam to media images of radical Islam. Be sure to dispel this if/when you talk to him.
4. I fear for your other children. Is there a place they can go, some family they can stay with outside of this area where they will be safe? I am not sure if you fear for their safety or how young the youngest children are.
But sometimes in such situations those in power seek to enact “punishment” by removing children from their families. If you feel that your children are safe then you can ignore this point.
5. If there is someone whom he respects and would be able to convince him to calm down and give you all some space, let them talk to him and try to reason with him.
6. Find a lawyer or someone with whom you can leave a log of notes of things that have occurred and a record of events as they unfold. If you have access to the Internet, you could consider doing something like an online journal and send the link to someone who will open it and make it public in the event of anything happening. May Allah protect you all.
I pray for you all that Allah gives you peace, safety, protection, and an easy resolution to this situation. Remember Allah much and turn to Him. Often in times of tribulation, there is a great opportunity for strengthening your relationship with Allah.
Make a lot of du`aa’(supplication) and if you can pray Tahajjud (optional late night Prayer).Please, if you can, let us know how your situation develops. We too will continue including you in our du`aa’s.
Finally, I remind you of a du`aa’ of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), through which I have personally benefited from the mercy of Allah:
“Oh Allah, make it (situation) easy for me and do not make it difficult, and grant that it is concluded in perfection.” Ameen.
And Allah knows best.
Salam,
***
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