In this counseling answer:
“While it is great that you and your wife agree to this arrangement, in the long run, your child will miss out on perhaps the most universally known and cherished time of a child’s life; that is the time spent with the mother. This by no means negates the contribution of the father, but rather acknowledges the fact that women are endowed by Allah Most High with certain innate characteristics which allow them to nurture their children.”
Thank you for writing to us. May Allah reward you tremendously for the sacrifices you and your wife are making in supporting your family. Here are some thoughts for your consideration.
First, Allah Most High and His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) make it clear that the burden of maintaining one’s wife and children rests upon the shoulders of the husband and father. You know this already. In fact, the wife does not even have to work to contribute towards the financial well-being of the family, and if she does work, it is her right to dispose of her earnings as she pleases. Should she spend her earnings towards the support of the family, then that is counted as an act of charity. You probably already know this, but a reminder is always helpful.
Second, there are very clear roles that mothers and fathers play in the upbringing of the children. For Muslims, these roles are based not on societal considerations for gender roles but rather on Qur’anic injunctions and prophetic teachings that outline the capacities and abilities of men and women in fulfilling these roles. These are equitable roles, meaning that we do not try to question how equal the duties are, but rather we look at the equitable contribution each parent makes towards promoting the well-being of the entire family.
Third, in your particular case, while it is great that you and your wife agree to this arrangement, in the long run, your child will miss out on perhaps the most universally known and cherished time of a child’s life; that is the time spent with the mother. This by no means negates the contribution of the father, but rather acknowledges the fact that women are endowed by Allah Most High with certain innate characteristics which allow them to nurture their children.
Check out this counseling video
Finally, we strongly suggest that you reconsider for how long this arrangement should last. We believe that, at some point, you should go to work and your wife should spend time with the children. There is really no steadfast rule to know when your wife should stop working or perhaps work part-time. However, the last thing you want is to have your child grow up and then both you and your wife regret that she did not spend enough time with him. As for what the children say to tease him, sit him down and put into your own words some of the points we have included above. Help him to feel proud of his parents and to make du`aa’ (supplication) for them.
And Allah knows best.
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