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My Parents Argue All the Time, Please Help!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jan 22, 2019

Question

My parents have been like that for 24 years; they argue over stupid things. There hasn't been a day without them arguing. I have 7 siblings including me they fight and they don't know how much we are suffering. I'm tired making day for them because they always end up fighting, and they don't listen.

My mom suffers from anxiety and depression, we can't even say a word to her, whatever we say she says we are wrong. She gets upset over little things. My dad sleeps in his car and barely comes home, there's nothing else we can do. They fight every day, please I need some advice.

Counselor

Answer


argue

In this counseling answer:

•You could try and organize to all go out somewhere together as a family and enjoy each others company. If finances allow then you could all go for dinner together, or if not, go somewhere nice together and have a picnic. Often families forget to do these things together to nurture and renew the love for one another.

•Pamper them individually, take them out somewhere that they love to go and show your appreciation for them individually and show them how much you love them.

 


As-salamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

It is understandable why you feel so distressed seeing the 2 people that you love dearly constantly arguing and that they have been like this for such a long time. What is making it especially tough is that they don’t realise how much it is hurting you as their child.

The fact that they have been like this for so long almost suggests that it has just become a habit now; that it tells only way they know how to function as a couple. Certainly, as time goes on in a marriage things do change and often the ‘spark’ that was once there fades, but arguing every day is not the way to a healthy marriage

It is not your responsibility to fix difficulties in their marriage and you have to be careful about interfering too much in their marriage, but even if only for the sake of your own psychological health there are some things you could do to try and help.


Check out this counseling video


You could try and organize to all go out somewhere together as a family and enjoy each others company. If finances allow then you could all go for dinner together, or if not, go somewhere nice together and have a picnic. Often families forget to do these things together to nurture and renew the love for one another. It’ll be a chance for everyone to get out and do something positive together and break the chain of negativity that currently exists in the household. Simply getting out of the place where these negative conversations happen can be a refreshing change.

Another thing you can do as well as enjoying family time out together is to appreciate them individually also. Pamper them individually, take them out somewhere that they love to go and show your appreciation for them individually and show them how much you love them.

If they are not showing love to each other,  at least as their children you can give them the love that they are lacking in their own relationship. It’ll give them the chance to remember what it feels like to feel loved as well as giving you a chance to bond with them individually and boost their own wellbeing individually. In sha Allah this will then have a positive impact on the home in general as they feel more content and at ease with themselves.

It might take time for things like this to have an effect and they may even be objective about it at first, but in sha Allah in time they will come to appreciate it and their relationship will get stronger again as they come to break out of the negative habit of fighting that they presently have.

May Allah reward your concern for your parents and make it easy for you to remain strong. May He plants love between their hearts once more and make them the coolness of each other’s eyes.

***

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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