In this counseling answer:
“I ask you, what if you were to take in this boy (with his grandmother’s permission), and raise him as your own? What if this boy brought about the kind of change within your husband that can turn him into a responsible father? These are considerations not to be belittled.”
As salamu ‘alaykum dear sister.
Before I start, I must say you did put a smile on my face, however from where you are I am sure it is not amusing!
Jazaka Allahu khayrun for sharing with us your concerns, It sometimes takes something drastic to happen in ones life before one realizes the opportunities that one has missed, or the responsibilities that one should have taken on. Only Allah (SWT) Knows what we can not see. He gives us life and takes life, and only He Knows the Wisdom of it all.
The loss of an only son can take the wind out of a father, especially when he sees the son as someone who he could share with. After all, he is surrounded by 4 women. That chance has been taken away from him for whatever Wisdom that is with Allah (SWT); and maybe your husband has learnt a few lessons from bereavement.
Now there is a boy within your community without parents, and living with his grandmother. There is no knowing how much longer her good health will last, and for how long she will be able to support her grandson as she does currently. By the Grace of Allah (SWT), your husband has been presented with an opportunity to do for this boy, that which he did not do for your son.
I ask you, what if you were to take in this boy (with his grandmother’s permission), and raise him as your own? What if this boy brought about the kind of change within your husband that can turn him into a responsible father? These are considerations not to be belittled.
The benefit could be less pressure on you to produce a son. Also, you could seize the moment and demonstrate to your husband the harm that could be done if he were to treat this boy better than he treats your daughters. To coin an unfortunate phrase, this is an opportunity to “kill two birds with one stone”. I think you will find that the solution is right in front of you. With humor, and patience, you might get the better of your husband yet, insha-Allah.
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