Friend Has a Bad Relationship with Her Mom; How to Help Her? | About Islam
Home > Ask About Parenting > The Family Home > Friend Has a Bad Relationship with Her Mom; How to Help Her?

Friend Has a Bad Relationship with Her Mom; How to Help Her?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 30, 2017

Question

Assalamualaikum. I met a little girl (16) online and through some circumstances, we've grown really close. She considers me her elder brother and I take her as my younger sister. She's just as important to me as my own sister and there's absolutely nothing else. My family knows about her but she, being a bit afraid, hasn't told her family about me. To start with, is this ok? And then on, there are a few problems between her and her mother. Her mother has apparently said a few things to her in anger and that has hit her hard. She doesn't feel close to her mother. I try to make her have a frank conversation with her mum fearing these things might not end well if not taken care of early. Please advise me as to how I can help her on this. She's reluctant, to be frank with her mother. Thank you.

Counselor

Answer


Friend Has a Bad Relationship with Her Mom; How to Help Her?

In this counseling answer:

“Any interaction with this girl without her mahram present, however innocent it may seem is completely forbidden. What you can do, however, is making du’aa’ for her. Making du’aa’ for her is a way you can feel comforted that Allah will be the one to assist in this situation.”


Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh brother,

You have been talking to a young lady online. You have developed good relations with her, but you are understandably concerned about her poor relationship with her mother and how it affects her.

Firstly, any interaction with this girl without her mahram present, however innocent it may seem is completely forbidden. It is advisable for the sake of Allah that you cut ties with this girl for both yours and her own sake. You say it is nothing more than a friendship, but we know any interaction between man and woman alone can lead to much more even if it was never intended. This is why Allah warns us about such situations and advises us to lower our gaze. This also extends to online interactions these days as much as it does to face to face conversations as it can also lead to the same devastating consequences of zina.

Furthermore, it maybe that you are sure you don’t have any feelings for her, but she may develop feelings for you, especially if you take on this protective, caring role. If you truly desire what’s in her best interests, you would either cut ties or ensure any further contact with her is done in the presence of her mahram. Trust Allah’s command that a woman should be accompanied by her mahram for good reasons. At the age of 16, yes, she is young, but she is a woman and old enough to require a mahram.

It is unfortunate that she has a bad relationship within her family. Whilst it is honorable that you want to help her, it is advisable that you do not get involved in such matters. Not only is it not your business, but you have only heard one side of the story.

Finally, and importantly, as you suggest, there could be severe consequences for her having been in close contact with a non-mahram male.

What you can do, however, is making du’aa’ for her. Making du’aa’ for her is a way you can feel comforted that Allah will be the one to assist in this situation. Allah is the only one who can truly make things better for this girl and her mother.

You can also find comfort in the knowledge that you are doing the best thing you can for her. Do it in an acceptable way that is more pleasing to Allah than having contact with this young lady and involving yourself in her family matters.

May Allah reward you for your concern for her, but please keep in mind what this could lead to. Think about how you conduct yourself moving forward. May Allah bring ease to the girl that you speak of. May Allah rebuild relation between her and her mother.

Amen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

For My Mom – I Remember

My 5-Year-Old Daughter Hates Me

My Teen Daughter Ignores Me, What Should I Do?




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

Add Comment


find out more!