Sick of My 13-Year-Old Stepson | About Islam
Home > Ask About Parenting > Step Parenting > Sick of My 13-Year-Old Stepson

Sick of My 13-Year-Old Stepson

Questioner

M (44_female_Canada)

Reply Date

Mar 20, 2019

Question

I am so sick of my 13 years old stepson. He has decided to spend his summer eating junk food and playing video games. He won't do anything for himself, let alone anyone else. If he is asked to do a chore, he bitches and whines the whole way through it. He would sleep until noon. He complains about the heat if he has to go outside, and he cries that he's not used to the hills if he has to walk across a street.

He stands with the refrigerator door open and then sighs because he might have to fix himself a sandwich. He'd rather eat 17 packs of pop tarts. Unheated, of course—that would be too much like work. This kid is the biggest puss I ever met and I can’t accept him anymore, but his father wants him to live with us.

Counselor

Answer


Step son

In this counseling answer:

•First, if you cannot talk to him or find someone who can talk to him, you should consult a doctor; the boy might be depressed.

•Second, you can enroll him in sports and youth activities where he can make friends of his age, preferably Muslim ones as well as let out some of his physical tension and frustrations.

•Third, enroll him in courses to study Islam and Qur’an.


As-salamu `alaikum dear sister, 

It seems that your stepson is not a pleasant kid. But keep in mind he is your stepson which means that he is similar to your son and you are his acting mother.

Imagine if your son grew to be that way—what would you do? Are you going to throw him in the street or you will do your best to fix as much as you can from his attitudes and behaviors?

The behaviors you’re talking about are typical complaints from many parents during their children’s teenage period. First, you need to think about this problem as your problem, not only your husband’s, because when you agreed to marry this man, you agreed to share with him his responsibilities and obligations as a father.

Now, from this standpoint let us address the problem of your stepson. I propose some  guidelines that – with help of Allah – might improve your stepson’s personality.

•First, if you cannot talk to him or find someone who can talk to him, you should consult a doctor; the boy might be depressed.

•Second, you can enroll him in sports and youth activities where he can make friends of his age, preferably Muslim ones as well as let out some of his physical tension and frustrations.

•Third, enroll him in courses to study Islam and Qur’an.

Basically, make a structured schedule for his day that includes both fun and physical and mental activities. Also, you should incorporate these changes as soon as possible, before these bad habits become harder to change.

In doing these changes to his life style, you need to do them gently and patiently. He might resist or object. Be persistent and kindly convince and encourage him. Once he becomes active, he will have the energy to help in doing chores.

He probably hasn’t realized that he needs you badly. Probably he misses his biological mother, and you can compensate for his urgent need for love and approval with patience and perseverance.

Try to minimize your criticism of his actions.

Ignore his negative behaviors and encourage his positive ones.

Salam

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

How to Deal with My Step-Son?

My Dilemma with a Violent Stepdaughter

Being a Mother to a Step-Son




About About Islam Counselor

Add Comment


find out more!