In this counseling answer:
After the divorce, the whole family is suffering even the children. Therefore the counselor advises the questioner to have patience and help her son any way she can, beginning with therapy. Islamic counseling from her local mosque or a good young Muslim group in her local mosques example; youth halaqa (circle) or Young Muslims (YM). Usually, these groups are excellent in that the youth relate to each other and guide one another and the group leaders are great counselors.
Your son is at a very sensitive age. Being a teenager who needs a sense of security and belonging is crucial during the adolescent phase which is not helped by the divorce, moving to a different country and away from family friends.
Yet, it doesn’t give him the right to treat you in that disrespectful manner, and it definitely doesn’t help him for you to give in to his demands, he’s manipulating you!! If you have younger kids most likely they will follow his footsteps, you have to set matters straight once and for all.
I’m not sure that sending him back to a father he hates (according to you) is going to help, but you have to be sure that it is hatred your son feels or is it resentment at being left by his father? It is important to decipher the difference because what may be best for your son right now is to do the very thing that he thinks that he does not want to do, see the person who has caused his pain to find out why.
Check out this counseling video
You have to have patience and help your son any way you can, beginning with therapy. Islamic counseling from your local mosque or a good young Muslim group in your local mosques example; youth halaqa (circle) or Young Muslims (YM). Usually, these groups are excellent in that the youth relate to each other and guide one another and the group leaders are great counselors.
I also recommend that you and the other kids go for family therapy, and just remember sister Allah (SWT) said our children, spouses and money are our hardest tests in this life and our beloved prophet (pbuh) said that all of are shepherd’s and all are responsible – and the mother is responsible for her children.
Make sure you make dua`aa’ for him every chance you can, it’s only Allah that has the power to change what’s in someone’s heart.
May Allah guide your kids and have them amongst the chosen believer and protect them from the evil whispers of the shaytan.
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