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Tired of Yelling at My Children, Help!

Questioner

A

Reply Date

Sep 07, 2017

Question

I'm a single mother living with my three kids, ages 12, 10 and 6. Day by day, I feel more alone and isolated. Now, I feel my life is so empty and I have begun to snap at the children sometimes. It is not their fault and I try to apologize when I do so. I know it is wrong in Islam and I know that my children need me. What should I do?

Counselor

Answer


In this counseling answer:

“I would also kindly suggest dear sister that you make a list of things you would like to do, whether it is taking up a new hobby, taking a class in a subject you are interested in or going to a gym to workout-make your list and commit to doing at these two things a week. Also, as it appears the children are of school age, take this opportunity to do enjoyable and social things when they are at school. Again, forming friendships with the sisters at the Masjid and surrounding area will provide friends for you to do things with.”


As-salamu alaykum sister,

I am so sad to hear of your isolation and frustrations. It is not easy being a single mom, I know. While I am not sure if you have family around, if you do, certainly having them stay with the children while you get some “self time” would be helpful.

If you don’t sister, I would highly suggest insha’Allah that you check out your local Masjid or Islamic center and see if they have Single Mom’s groups. If they do, by joining you will make new friends, have support from other single moms and be able to plan social events with other single mom’s wherein you can enjoy yourself and begin to feel less isolated. Also, check out your local meetup.com for social outings for single mothers, just make sure there are halal outing such as women’s hiking,

I would also kindly suggest dear sister that you make a list of things you would like to do, whether it is taking up a new hobby, taking a class in a subject you are interested in or going to a gym to workout-make your list and commit to doing at these two things a week. Also, as it appears the children are of school age, take this opportunity to do enjoyable and social things when they are at school. Again, forming friendships with the sisters at the Masjid and surrounding area will provide friends for you to do things with.

You may even want to work a part time job while the children are in school. Not only will this provide extra money but may be satisfying if you are inclined towards a certain career or job interest. Lastly, get involved with charity work in you local Islamic community. You will be helping others who are in need as well as helping yourself by getting out and doing something with others which will bring much joy and clarity.

These years are not easy, especially alone-but you do not have to be lonely and isolated. There are many ways to get involved in life and create a balance wherein you are less stressed and less alone. Insha’allah you will take the steps towards creating the life which will bring you joy. Be creative in your thinking sister and insha’Allah Allah will grant ease!


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About Aisha Mohammad-Swan

Aisha Mohammad-Swan received her PhD in psychology in 2000. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York with a focus on PTSD, OCD, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, and Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. She is currently studying for her certification in Islamic Chaplaincy, and takes Islamic courses at SHC. Aisha works at a Women's Daytime Drop in Center, and has her own part-time practice in which she integrates counseling and holistic health. Aisha also received an MA in Public Health/Community Development in 2009 and plans to open a community counseling/resource center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah.

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