I Want to Control My Anger with Children, Help! | About Islam
Home > Ask About Parenting > Single Parenting > I Want to Control My Anger with Children, Help!

I Want to Control My Anger with Children, Help!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 11, 2018

Question

I get angry easily, I want to control my temper only for the sake of my children. Also, I want to find some way to earn at home. I am a widow.

Counselor

Answer


Control Anger, Anger, Mother

In this counseling answer:

  • Seeking refuge from Shaytaan and remembering Allah always can help curb anger.
  • Identifying what makes you angry and minimizing contact with your trigger.
  • Practicing various anger management strategies and identifying what works best for you.
  • Find calmer activities like painting or going for a walk .

As-salamu Alaikum,

Alhamdulilah there are many solutions to controlling anger in Islam.

You have taken the best first step by coming forward and asking for help.

This indicates that you are serious and willing to do what it takes to overcome the problem, especially as you don’t want to set a bad example to your children.

Simple techniques

Firstly, seeking refuge from Shaytaan and remembering Allah always can help curb anger.

Furthermore, on the advice of the Prophet (SAW), doing wudu can extinguish anger, as can sitting if standing, or lying down if sitting. These are very simple techniques that you can use in the moment as you feel an episode of anger coming on.

Furthermore, refraining from scenarios that make you angry by avoiding them altogether can be a useful means of preventing anger in the first place. Identifying triggers in this way can help you to avoid situations occurring that make you feel angry.

For example, if a busy shopping center can bring on bursts of anger, simply changing the time that you go shopping can be a means to avoid anger-inducing situations in the first place.

In addition to identifying what makes you angry and minimizing contact with your trigger, practicing various anger management strategies and identifying what works best for you is the next step.

Examples were given above on how to control anger quickly in the moment as given in the Sunnah, but there are also various other techniques that you can try also:

-Things such as squeezing a stress ball can help

-Punch a pillow, essentially finding a safe inanimate object to release your anger onto.

-Other people find calmer activities like painting or going for a walk are more useful ways to calm their anger.

You might find that different techniques work best in different scenarios, or some might work perfectly all the time and others never work.

At first, you will need to begin with a bit of trial and error until you work out what works best for you. It can be useful to keep a diary of these techniques for a while noting how you feel before and after using each technique. This will help you to see which one really works best for you.

Additionally, I don’t know how long it was since you were bereaved, but if you feel that your anger may be a result of becoming a widow, and has perhaps become a coping mechanism in managing grief then you might also consider seeking bereavement counselling as a means to overcome the potential underlying cause of your ongoing anger.

Working from home

Regarding working from home, with today’s technological advances there are many options available now. If there is any particular skill that Allah has blessed you with then use this to your advantage this might be in the form of selling something that you can make, writing for online publications, or recording courses, to give a few ideas about where to start. There are many support groups online that guide you with these options and more.

May Allah bring you ease and guide you in the straight path.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

Read more:

How to Control My Anger with Kids?

How to Deal With a Dad With Anger Issues?

Son Gets Angry Easily, How to Control His Anger?




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

find out more!