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I Don’t Have Kids Yet, Can I Adopt?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Feb 06, 2019

Question

I’m living with my husband in Lahore alone. He is a banker and l have completed my M.phil in chemistry. He is 34 and I’m 26. We got married in December 2013 but have no kids yet. I have visited a number of consultants, gone through a number of painful tests including IUI with no positive result. Now I am much tired, depressed and lonely. What should I do? Should I adopt a kid from my family? Please guide me how to cope with this situation? Jazakallah khair

Counselor

Answer


I Don't Have Kids Yet, Can I Adopt?

In this counseling answer:

•At present, it is most important that you take care of yourself in every way if you are to increase your chances of conceiving. The stress you are experiencing now, alone is enough to have negative consequences on your fertility.

•Do all you can to reduce your stress level, reevaluate your situation as a test from Allah and be confident that He will answer your prayers at the very best time. Having this mentality will make it much easier to endure the test.

•Keep yourself physically well also, eat well, exercise and sleep well. Not only will these things boost your wellbeing by reducing your stress, but will also put your body physically in a more conducive state to conceive.


As-salamu `alaikum dear sister,

There are many couples who go through fertility issues and undergo much stress as a result. Adopting children can become quite complicated when applying Islamic law, but there is also much hope still in your situation.

You are only 26, so still have time on your side with regards to conceiving. It is absolutely a test of patience for you, but in sha Allah it will happen for you when the time is right when Allah says it is time. Many couples will try fruitlessly for many years before they are blessed either a child and more.

Having to wait for it can also be a huge blessing as much as it doesn’t feel like it right now. Think about it, when you have to wait for something, you appreciate it so much more. In addition, the reward will be much greater also.  Allah will reward your patience and endurance for such a great test.

At present, it is most important that you take care of yourself in every way if you are to increase your chances of conceiving. The stress you are experiencing now, alone is enough to have negative consequences on your fertility. Do all you can to reduce your stress level, reevaluate your situation as a test from Allah and be confident that he will answer your prayers at the very best time. Having this mentality will make it much easier to endure the test.

In addition to managing your spiritual and psychological health in this way also don’t neglect other aspects of your well-being too. Keep yourself physically well also, eat well, exercise and sleep well. Not only will these things boost your wellbeing by reducing your stress, but will also put your body physically in a more conducive state to conceive.

Likewise taking care of your social health by being with others is a not her means to have the same desired effect of reducing stress levels and ensuring a calmer state of mind and wellbeing. It will also provide you with the opportunity to be distracted from the continual thoughts you might be having about the current situation.


Check out this counseling video


At the moment, since you are still young these are the ideal ways to manage and cope with your situation. In sha Allah you will conceive in the coming years, but if nothing happens many years down the line then you could look at other options such as adoption in line with Islamic principles. For now, however, you still have many options available to you and even with intervention such as IUI it is important to take care of your health, it’s various forms in order to boost your chances.

May Allah grant you a healthy child when the time is right and may He give you the patience to endure the difficulties until then.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.:

Read more:

My Husband Wants to Adopt, But I Don’t

I’m Afraid of Marriage and Pregnancy Pains, Can I Adopt A Child?

Irritated and Jealous of Parents Having Kids




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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