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How to Cope with an Unplanned Pregnancy?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 12, 2019

Question

As-salamualikum,

I’m married and have two daughters aged 9 and 11. Last year I got pregnant and my due date is this month. It didn't really plan it and I feel like I’m still not ready to have this child. I was hoping for another child but not now!

I know Allah gives life and death but I can’t convince myself that it was already Allah’s plan to give me this child. Sometimes I get mad at myself that if I had taken full precautions then maybe it wouldn’t have happened!

Jazakllahukhairan

Counselor

Answer


How to Cope with an Unplanned Pregnancy?

In this counseling answer:

•I kindly suggest making a list of the reasons why you want to have a child (whether now or later) and a list of reasons as to why you do not want to have a child now.

•You are not alone sister. Many feel the same way when an unexpected pregnancy happens.

•If you are experiencing any depression now or after your child’s birth, please do seek help from your doctor for a referral to a counselor.


As salamu alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to our live session. As I understand, you are married and have two daughters, ages 9 and 11. You are pregnant with another child (congratulations). You stated, however, that you feel like you are not ready to have a child yet. While you did not mention why you were not ready, I can imagine that yes, it will be a big change in your life after the birth of your youngest 9 years ago.

Sister, I kindly suggest making a list of the reasons why you want to have a child (whether now or later) and a list of reasons as to why you do not want to have a child now. Insha’Allah, for the reasons why you would not want to have a child now, please describe underneath these reasons, and think of possible solutions. Insha’Allah, search deeply within your heart.


Check out this counseling video


Insha’ Allah you have a supportive husband and family. Sister, I have the feeling that once the baby is born (as the baby is due this month) you will be very happy and fall in love when you see the baby’s sweet face and hold the baby close to you. Insha’Allah, any regrets or any fears that you may have will fall away.

Allah is the best of planners

It could be that if you did not get pregnant when you did, you may not be able to have another child. Perhaps this was a time that Allah decided to give you this child as you did want three. Allah Knows Best.

Sister, if you are experiencing any depression now or after your child’s birth, please do seek help from your doctor for a referral to a counselor. You may have a depression that could develop into postpartum depression. Postpartum depression can be a serious disorder if not treated. I only mention this because you are having hesitations about this birth now, and I want to let you know that there is help available should you still feel this way once your child is born.

Trust in Allah’s timing sister, Allah knows best. We wish you the best you’re in our prayers.

And Allah knows best.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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