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Parents Refuse My Marriage from a Shiite Woman

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Oct 08, 2018

Question

As-salamu Alaikum, I want to marry a Shiite woman and I'm a Sunni but our parents are not ready to accept this marriage and the girl is ready to accept Islam. What should I do so that our parents agree on our marriage? Please advice.

Counselor

Answer


Parents Refuse My Marriage from a Shiite Woman

In this counseling answer:

•Arranging a meeting between both families will give them the chance to get to know each other for who they are rather than judging them by their perceptions of the beliefs held by an alternative sect.

•You can also go and meet her family and her yours alone so that they can get to know you individually for who will be potentially marrying their child. They want to be confident that their child is marrying a good person who will care for them in the best way.


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

We often read stories of people wanting to marry from another culture or even another religion and how this causes problems with the parents who do not wish to see this marriage happen. The same kind of thing would apply in this situation.

Firstly,  try and understand things from their perspective. Think about why they are not ready to accept this marriage. Most likely they fear their child going astray being influenced by their spouse; being lead astray to beliefs that are incompatible with what they believe to be the truth. As your parents, they have done their best to give you the best upbringing and unlike you with the correct manners and beliefs and would be devastated if this were to be taken away from you.

They know from experience how influential ones spouse can be and how little effort it would take from tour furor wife to convince you of other than what they have raised you under. This can even happen without purposefully trying to sway someone to believe otherwise.

So, you see, if you try and see things from their perspective, you can understand why they would be concerned about you marrying someone from a different sect who hold slightly different beliefs to you. Understanding this will place you in a better position to approach them more successfully about the matter.

Further to this, there are some other steps you can take to move things forward.


Check out this counseling video


Arranging a meeting between both families will give them the chance to get to know each other for who they are rather than judging them by their perceptions of the beliefs held by an alternative sect. Who knows, perhaps they could even be a positive influence on each other in guiding them to the correct beliefs. Often people can be clouded by misconceptions that can easily be rectified through simple dialogue. Perhaps it may take some time, or a few meetings to overcome this, but if the marriage to succeed in the long run, this would be very helpful.

Additionally, you can also go and meet her family and her yours alone so that they can get to know you individually for who will be potentially marrying their child. They want to be confident that their child is marrying a good person who will care for them in the best way.  After all, then is who they are entrusting them to for life, in sha Allah. This confidence will make them more willing to accept the proposal also and feel more comfortable with the situation.

Also, make sure to make istikhara regularly about this marriage asking Allah to guide you forward with it if is good for you and your Deen, or to turn your heart away from it if it is not.

This may all take a bit of time and convincing, but if you are serious and it is meant to be then the results will be positive in the end, in sha Allah.

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Is My Marriage Valid Without Parents’ Permission?

Parents Don’t Agree to My Marriage!

What to Do When Parents Oppose Our Marriage?




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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