Answer
As salamu `alaykum my dear child.
I think you are the youngest, is that correct? It seems that you have to sisters, but your concern is for the sister who helped raised you, as well as your brother.
Somehow, you seem to be closer to the family values as set by your parents, and the traditions of your home-country than your sister and brother. This could be for several reasons, but the one that is the most pertinent here, is that possibly, as a result of migration, and settling into a new country with different values, your parents had less time to spend with your sister and brother as they were growing up than they had with you, due to a need to provide an income for your family. This is a common experience for families which migrate, and one that many families are not prepared for.
Islam emphasizes the keeping up of family ties, come what may. The following ahadiths demonstrates this:
“Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah’s Messenger, who -amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment- He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order of nearness” (Muslim 32: 6181)?
Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) said: The severer of the tie of ?kinship would not get into Paradise. (Muslim 32 #6200)
“Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah’s Messenger, I have?relatives with whom I try, to have close relationship, but they sever (this relation). I treat them well, but they treat me ill. I am sweet to ?them but they are harsh towards me. Upon this he (the Holy Prophet) said: If it is so as you say, then you in fact throw hot ashes (upon their faces) and there would always remain with you on behalf of Allah (an Angel to support you) who would keep you dominant over them so ?long as you adhere to this (path of righteousness)” (Muslim 32 #6204).
Anyone reading this might begin to think of all the bad things, and justifiable reasons why they should not have anything to do with their mother, father, and other relatives etc. They might consider these ahadiths are archaic, and here you are a teenager teaching us through your situation the cause and effect of breaking ties of kinship! Now for another ahadith:
“Prophet Muhammad (may peace be upon him) said:?The tie of kinship is suspended to the Throne and says: He who unites ?me Allah would unite him and he who severed me Allah would sever ?him”(Muslim 32 #6198).
Before we think “Oh rubbish!”, each any everyone of us was not born into this world for ourselves alone, we were born for each other, to learn from each other in order to reach up to our higher selves. When we reach up to our higher selves, we are in a greater state of grace thus more positive. When we are more positive in this manner, we connect with the world and all that is in it.
When we step down to our lower selves we step out of Islam, out of the laws of nature, towards negative emotions that separates us from the world. When we do that, we become “hungry” for others who think at the same level in order to feel comfortable with being in this miserable state; and from that miserable state comes selfishness, hate, pride, suffering, and violence to name a few of the problems we face today.
Your brother succumbed to the individualistic nature of his environment which teaches “self first”. Because of that, it was easy for him to not honor his marriage, and to not value the ties of kinship that your parents value. Therefore to make himself comfortable with “self first”, he digressed further, by not remaining in touch with his kinfolk so he could be at liberty of putting himself first.
The sister that you speak of, also has the same issue, that is why she hits you. That hitting is an expression of the inner conflict she is going through by putting herself first. This is because, she is a woman, and like all women who struggle with the divine natural laws it is not an easy choice.
After all, you who she helped raised is there to remind her, of the ties of kinship. Here you are my child, blessed with the ties of kinship alive in you, watching your older siblings fall from grace, and as the youngest, you feel helpless, except for one thing – you are maintain your ties of kinship with those that struggle with it!
In other words, you are doing what you are supposed to do, as you “… as you adhere to this (path of righteousness)”. For in this is the path of selflessness –putting others first, and that path is called tawhid!
” The tie of kinship is suspended to the Throne and says: He who unites me Allah would unite him and he who severed me Allah would sever him” (Muslim 32 #6198).
Do not let the difficulties of your siblings besiege you my child, take sustenance in what you are doing, and turn to Allah (SWT), regularly in du`aa’ (supplication), and pray for continued guidance, and pray that your older sister and brother might find the way by the Grace that is Allah (SWT).
When your sister and brother tell you anymore of their woes, know that their trials are but products of their choices, and that you as their family will always be there for them, even when they can not be there for themselves let alone their relatives!
Your question was short, but my answer was longer, so I pray I have not tired you in anyway my child – we all pray for the best outcome for you, insha-Allah.
Parenting without the Parents