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Father Not Talking to Me Because of Money

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Oct 16, 2018

Question

As-salaam Alaikum, before marriage, I was working and financially helping my father. Now I have a 5-year-old child, and I am settled in Dubai and because of my son responsibility, I quit the job. But my parents expecting me to help financially by restarting the carrier again as a child is going to school. My brother is taking care of all financial matters of parents. My father is upset as I don't help them financially.

I want to be good with my parents and want their blessing but my father doesn't talk to me and I feel depressed. If my parents are not happy, then what kind of person am I. If my parents curse me does it affect my life? Is am wrong somewhere? Please help me and advice me.

Counselor

Answer


Father Not Talking to Me Because of Money

In this counseling answer:

•In your situation, perhaps you might consider working part-time, even from home as there are now plenty of distance opportunities available also these days. This way, you can still fulfil your roles and obligations to your son.

•You could speak calmly about the situation with them if it is not working out for you to work part-time. If you can’t manage it and it causes you difficulties then you will be in a good position to let them know before it gets out of hand again like it is now.

•If your father is not talking to you,  perhaps try approaching him through and intermediary, such as your brother who will be able to a plain the situation more rationally to him.


 Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

As a woman, you are not obliged to work or provide for anyone, including your own husband and child. Of course, there are times when it becomes a necessity when things get financially constrained and a woman feels they have to in order to make ends meet for the family, but she should never feel pressured to do so.

You do have a responsibility to respect and take care of your parents and even obey them save in matters where they advise you against Islamic values. You may call this a case of them advising you to do something against Islam as you do not have to work, but at the same time you don’t want to disobey and cause difficulties in the family.

If your son is bearing their financial responsibilities then I’m not sure why they would make such a problem over you not working to further support them, except they are concerned for his own welfare and giving too much of what he earns to them and wants you to help him out. Perhaps this is something you could speak to him about.

When there are problems like this, there is almost always the opportunity to find the middle ground that will satisfy all parties. It will require some compromise from all, but will also serve to me that needs of all to some extent.


Check out this counseling video


In your situation, perhaps you might consider working part-time, even from home as there are now plenty of distance opportunities available also these days. This way, you can still fulfil your roles and obligations to your son as his mother and be there for him when he is not at school, yet you can go to work during school hours and place yourself in a situation where you can work and earn a bit to be able to support your parents and amend relations with them also.

Once relations are me comfortable again and you are back on talking terms, you could speak calmly about the situation with them if it is not working out for you to work part-time. If you can’t manage it and it causes you difficulties then you will be in a good position to let them know before it gets out of hand again like it is now.

In the meantime,  if your father is not talking to you,  perhaps try approaching him through and intermediary, such as your brother who will be able to a plain the situation more rationally to him.

May Allah bring peace and happiness in your family once more and guide you to do what is best in this situation.

***

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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