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After Divorce, I Won’t Be Able to See My Son Anymore

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jan 02, 2019

Question

As salaam alaikum, I have been divorced after and separated from my husband for one month. Our son moves back and forth between us at the moment. So far, we don’t really have any workable plans for the boy after the iddah. I am left with no choice but to leave this country and return to my home country after the iddah and my son won’t be able to come with me. Both of us are crushed by this reality.

Counselor

Answer


After Divorce, I Won't Be Able to See My Son Anymore

In this counseling answer:

“I would kindly suggest seeking joint custody if possible. If you chose, I would also recommend you try to stay there as well so you can continue on with your life as you moved there and did start a new life-I do not know if it was a few years or many years, the point is I encourage you to advocate for your rights to stay if you desire and advocate for the rights of the child you gave birth to.  To do this, you must know what your rights are as a Muslim woman as well as what your rights are in that country.  ”


As salamu Alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear about your situation with talaq and the ensuing situation with your son.
As you didn’t provide much information (such as how old is your son, what country are you in now and what is your home country, etc) I will do my best to try to provide some direction.
First of all sister, I am not sure why you must move back to your home country. Do you have residency status in the country you are in now?

Do you have means of support, such as alimony, a job, etc?Do you have friends whom you are close to there that could provide support and direction in regards to the country’s resources? By resources, I mean access to legal representation, assistance with job searches, assistance with a green card (or equivalent) if that is an issue, as well as other things you may need to know to help you with your situation, especially regarding your son.

Sister, I do not know what the laws are there, however, I would kindly advise you to seek legal representation concerning your divorce as well as custody of your child. How sad to think you would have to leave your child with no legalities in place.


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I would kindly suggest seeking joint custody if possible. If you chose, I would also recommend you try to stay there as well so you can continue on with your life as you moved there and did start a new life-I do not know if it was a few years or many years, the point is I encourage you to advocate for your rights to stay if you desire and advocate for the rights of the child you gave birth to. To do this, you must know what your rights are as a Muslim woman as well as what your rights are in that country.

If you must go back home, I would kindly suggest that before leaving, you find out your legal options there concerning your child as well as when you return home.I would also suggest that you speak with the man who married you (if you are comfortable) or another scholar regarding your situation. I am not an Islamic scholar, therefore, I do suggest that insha’Allah you contact our “Ask the Scholar” section regarding your rights to your child.

Please do give them more information regarding how long you have been married, are there any joint assets, the age of your child etc. for more solid assistance.If you have supportive family/friends back home please do consult with them as well for support, comfort and encouragement. I can imagine this is a very stressful and sad time for you sister but I am sure that insha’Allah you have options.

While I am not sure if you are a new Muslim or if you have studied Islam deeply regarding your rights, I do hope you will insha’Allah. Often times, new reverts to Islam who have not had sufficient time to study Islam, may get married, move to another country-and lose a lot. This is due to just taking the husband’s word as truth when in fact, sadly some men will twist truths or not inform you of your rights as they think you will not do your research regarding their “commands” and decisions.

I would kindly suggest dear sister that you do speak with your husband before the time period is over concerning joint custody of your child. Try to appeal to his common sense as well as encouraging him to have compassion for you as a mother and for your son.

Our Prophet (PBUH) was the most compassionate and we strive to be like him in all matters. If you do decide to speak with him, however, please do know your rights as a Muslim woman and as one living in that county.

Insha’Allah, research the area’s support systems such as advocacy centers and see if they can assist you and possibly be by your side when you speak to your husband if you need the support. An Islamic advocate would be best but if there are not any in your area, a women’s rights center will suffice.

Don’t give up! And please, do your research regarding what I have proposed here. I cannot see how you can be forced to leave without your son and nothing is set up for your rights as his mother to see him or have joint custody. I may be wrong but insha’Allah I know Islam to be just and fair when applied.

Please do seek legal and advocate advise and assistance. Insha’Allah our “Ask the Scholars” may provide a complete Islamic ruling. We wish you the best sister, you are in our prayers, please let us know how you are doing.

Salam,

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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