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My Parents Want Me to Get Married, But I Want to Study!

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Nov 01, 2018

Question

As-salam alaikum, I'm a 21-year-old girl. I'm really confused now, I really need someone to help me. I'm a second-year dental student I have 2 elder sisters. One of my sister's husband is helping financially with my studies(by taking loans) and the other is against studies (according to him girls just sit at home after studying so why they have to spend so much money and study), so they are planning for my marriage; my parents have to listen to both of them because they are financially not stable. Now I'm stuck between both these people and in a great distress. I'm scared what if after marriage I won't be able to continue my studies ?

All the money paid, as my fee will be wasted and what if I leave my course to get married, and if my husband allows me to continue my education I'll be really regretting. I really cannot concentrate on my studies because of all these, so I 'am thinking to quit my course and join some Islamic course and maybe continue my course after my marriage (only if husband permits)but my years will be wasted and I'll graduate very late. I 'am stressed out because of all these things find no way out. Please, I need some help! As soon as possible.

Counselor

Answer


In this counseling answer:

•Try not to bother yourself too much about this at the moment as you have no idea who your spouse will be. It may be that he will be happy for you to continue studying and all your worries right now will have been for no reason.

•You have a part in selecting your spouse. Give them some criteria that you are ideally looking I. Although, you may not find an exact match, as long as you have a pious spouse on the straight path you will have a happy marriage based o the values of Islam.

•You should be allowed to meet any potential suitors. Under the acceptable conditions of course with your Mahram present. So you can even discuss your concerns with him and get a feel for his thoughts regarding you studying.


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

It is understandable that you are anxious about what married life will be like and how it will change things for you. These concerns aI’llfor you given that it is your sisters who are helping to find your spouse since your parents are unable and they have spouses who have very different ideas about the role of the woman in the home.

It is advisable at this point that you try not to bother yourself too much about this at the moment as you have no idea who your spouse will be. It may be that he will be happy for you to continue studying and all your worries right now will have been for no reason.

Instead, perhaps I’m could suggest to your sisters that you have a part in selecting your spouse. Give them some criteria that you are ideally looking I. Although, you may not find an exact match, as long as you have a pious spouse on the straight path you will have a happy marriage based o the values of Islam.

Also, as part of the process, you should be allowed to meet any potential suitors. Under the acceptable conditions of course with your Mahram present. So you can even discuss your concerns with him and get a feel for his thoughts regarding you studying.


Check out this counseling video


Of course, you then have the choice as to whether to go ahead with this marriage. So, in sha Allah allows this someone will come your way who will allow you to study, but if not,  then if he is a good man, who will treat you well, then you will be happy to step down from sI’llfor a time. Also, it is always possible to back to it at a later date once you have settled into your marriage. So, either way, all is not lost.

May Allah grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Salaam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Parents Forced Me to Go to College But I Dislike It

What to Do When Parents Oppose Our Marriage?

I Regret Listening to Father On Marriage,Study




About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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