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My Son Shows Violent Tendencies

Questioner

K

Reply Date

Mar 23, 2019

Question

My son shows violent tendencies, he is 4 years old. At home or whenever we go outside, he plays violently with other kids, screaming shouting, throwing away thing and biting. I'm very worried this will be his character when he grows up. How can I deal with this?

Counselor

Answer


In  this counseling answer:

•Whenever he acts out, stop him and tell him “no” and tell him it is not nice nor acceptable to act this way.

•If he continues, set a punishment. Whether it is taking him away from the playgroup, taking away a special toy, or making him have down time-do it, and do it consistently.

•At the same time, whenever he does something kind, or plays nicely, reward him.


As-salamu alaykum sister,

While I do not know all the details of his home life or if he is in school, it sounds as if he may have been exposed to behaviors which he is exhibiting, thinking they are acceptable. I would kindly suggest monitoring what he watches on TV if you don’t already. Even cartons can be violent. If he is in school, ensure his friends are not of the same behaviors.

Set limits and implement discipline. Whenever he acts out, stop him and tell him “no” and tell him it is not nice nor acceptable to act this way. If he continues, set a punishment. Whether it is taking him away from the playgroup, taking away a special toy, or making him have down time-do it, and do it consistently.


Check out this counseling video:


Insha’Allah after a time he will associate his negative behaviors with a negative consequence and the behaviors should start reducing. At the same time, whenever he does something kind, or plays nicely, reward him. He will also associate acting kindly with getting something nice in return.

Lastly dear sister, while some of this is normal in children, if there is anything at home that may be influencing his behaviors, please address it.

Children can easily pick up on stress, anger, sadness or other emotions in the home or at school, so examine his environment as well to ensure it is not a participating factor. While I am sure he just needs some strict boundaries, rules, and consistent disciple, if it continues despite your efforts, please have him evaluated by his pediatrician.

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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