For example, if he gets a bad score in an exam, he says it's my fault because I didn't spend enough time studying with him.
If he falls down while playing, he says it's because of the shoes I bought him...etc.
He never admits his mistakes and always turning it against me and I don't know how to handle it. I don't like getting angry at him but I can't help it.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
•He needs to learn to take responsibility for his behavior and not blame it on others.
•You can help him with this by taking each incident as it occurs and spend time with him working on it.
•You can do this by discussing openly, and even writing down or drawing a diagram.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,
It is heartbreaking to see your child suffering and it is difficult when they take it all out on you. On the one hand, you love him very much, but at the same time, it makes you angry that you have to bear the burden of his pain as he blames it on you.
Of course, it is important to support him, but at the same time, he also needs to know that he cannot control you like this and must respect you.
To help yourself psychologically manage this from one perspective, remember that as his mum, he knows that you love him unconditionally and no matter how he treats you and disrespects you, you will always be there.
Unconditional love
Whilst this is reassuring to him, you should understand that this is probably why he takes it all out on you and not others such as his friends. As his friends are more likely to abandon him should he take it out on them, as the love between them is not unconditional like between a child and his mum.
Hopefully, understanding it this way will make you feel less of a target as you understand the reasons behind why he takes it out on you.
However, this does not make his behavior acceptable. It is disrespectful. If you continue to allow him to treat you like this he will think it is ok. And he will continue and maybe even go on to treat others this way too. For his sake and your own, you should try and stop this behavior.
Taking responsibilities of his behavior
He needs to learn to take responsibility for his behavior and not blame it on others.
You can help him with this by taking each incident as it occurs and spend time with him working on it. You can do this by discussing openly, and even writing down or drawing a diagram.
Perhaps put the incident in a bubble in the middle and brainstorm reasons why this could have happened. Help him to identify the matter likely reason by going through each of these possibilities and identifying reasons why or why not this could be responsible for the incident.
Check out this counseling video
This will help him to see mentally and/or visually what is the mat likely reason for the incident. It will further encourage flexibility in his thinking when events occur again in the future.
May Allah ease your difficulties and guide your son o the straight path. May He make him the coolness of your eyes.
Salaam,
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